Joelle said around lunch time on August 20, 2007
Dear Tourists,
Yes, I mean you. No, I don’t mean Vacationers Who Visit Our Fair City because I like them. They keep our economy growing and our population interesting. Those are people who visit me and of course, those people are exempt from any and all ranting I might do about any topic. I’m totally down with Vacationers Who Visit Our Fair City. I’m talking to the Tourists. Those people who go on vacation and completely disregard human decency, social graces and common sense (assuming they had any to begin with). It’s as though the moment they donned their sandals with socks, they completely lost their damn minds.
I’m talking to you, Dude in the Hawaiian Shirt and Flip-Flops, crossing the street all zig-zagged any ol’ place you feel like it. Or you, Woman with Camel Toe, Three Kids on Leash and Giant Inflatable Shamu, darting out from behind the dumpster and then demonstratively executing your “pedestrian rights” by stopping to smell the ass of each of your offspring while I try to make a left hand turn. Could you not have done that when you got to the corner? MUST you stop in the middle of the street?
And YOU, you stupid jerk-off in the SUV with the out-of-state-plates and no sense of direction. Left means left. Left means LEFT. It does NOT mean “Left but maybe right, oh, this is a one way street and maybe we should just park, no, let’s try to get across these 4 lanes of traffic, wait, instead let’s slam on our brakes for no reason”.
It means LEFT. 
I totally appreciate that you’re on vacation. However, I’m capable of going on vacation and not totally disrupting the lives of the city natives. I know it’s a gorgeous city. I know. I don’t blame you for wanting to visit. But don’t be That Guy. Some of us live here and are trying to get somewhere. Pack up your Tivas and your zinc oxide and your Padres visors and your boogie boards and your hats with the beer cans and your koozies and your crap from the San Diego Zoo and get to STEPPIN’. Fall is almost here and I’d love to be able to turn a corner without running over someone in a fanny pack.
Thank you. Come again.
xoxo
Joelle
Joelle said in the early morning on August 20, 2007
After that whole violating debit card incident, I decided to sign up for Privacy Assist Premier™ from Bank of America. I fell for one of their “Following this call, a customer service representative would like to speak with you about protecting your identity” spiels and decided to sign up for their 90-day trial. They send me my credit report once a quarter from all three reporting agencies, along with tips on how to improve my credit, what to clean up and who to contact. They also send me immediate notices when there’s been an addition or change to my credit report. I figure for only twelve bucks a month after that, it’s worth it to me to know what’s going on. Pretty sweet, actually.
So, I get my first booklet with my credit report and most of it looks how I expect, except that my credit score is slightly lower than I anticipated. Nothing catastrophic, but it’s not likely I’ll be pre-approved for an AmEx Black any time soon. I started scouring the report line-by-line and lo and behold… the fifth item listed is not mine.
Not mine to the tune of $9664. And next to it, nestled among all my “paid in fulls” and “currents” I see UNPAID in fat block letters. Gee, no wonder my score is lower than I expected. The debt is for an apartment complex in Frisco Texas that I never lived in. I did live in Frisco, Texas for a few years, but I lived in another complex, owned by a different company on a completely different street. Oh, and I moved away in September 2003. This debt is opened in December 2003 and continues to be outstanding.
This irks me. Here’s why:
When I moved away, I forwarded my mail from Frisco, Texas to my new address in San Diego… like you do. I’ve moved 19+ times in my life, so I think I know a little bit about forwarding my mail. I am certain I did it correctly. But, once in San Diego, I started to receive mail for a woman with a very similar name to mine. Her first name was only off from mine by one letter (I usually only use my first name in legal situations and go by my middle name) and our last names were the same. And we both lived or had lived in Frisco, Texas. I found that really weird, considering Frisco was a pretty small suburb of Dallas, but not implausible.
First, it was bills and the occasional offer. Then, it became what looked like collection notices. Normally, I would write “return to sender” or “does not live here” and leave it for the postman, but I also called the relevant post offices and informed them of the issue. But, one day I accidentally opened a piece of mail that belonged to her and it turned out to be a court summons for custody on some children (I assume hers). I thought it was important enough that it warranted a phone call. So I called the number of the court in the letter, informing them that they had the wrong address and then I called the woman whose mail I was receiving.
Overall, my doppelgänger seemed pleasant enough. I told her I was getting mail and that after accidentally opening a piece, it looked to be really important, so I thought I should let her know in case she was missing any detrimental documents. I gave her my number in case any of my mail showed up at her place, then she thanked me and assured me that she would take care of the misunderstanding with her creditors and legal people. Slowly, but surely, over the last year or so, I’ve stopped receiving her mail. It could be the fact that I’ve moved several times myself, but I was happy it had stopped.
Now, this thing with my credit report. I can’t help but think it might be this woman, what with all the bills and collection notices I received addressed to her. I’m thankful there’s nothing else on my credit report linked to her. I’ve contacted Bank of America and they’re sending me some dispute package thing that I need to fill out and submit to the reporting agencies so they’ll investigate it. Hopefully, they’ll remove it.
Or I’ll have to fly to Frisco, Texas and get my rumble on.
Joelle said at some point on August 16, 2007
I believe the mystery has been solved. At least, I’m pretty sure. I feel fairly silly and damn lucky I didn’t blow my house up.
While in the kitchen the other night, I was getting something out of the freezer and as I shut the door, I caught a whiff of The Smell again. This totally sent me into “Where in the hell is it coming from???” mode and I set off like a bloodhound in my kitchen, vehemently sniffing anything and everything. I must have looked like a total nutjob.
Finally, with my nose practically shoved into the burner, I discovered the culprit. It was the gas on the stove! The stove was turned ever-so-slightly left (even though I could have sworn I checked that like, 30 times) toward the “low” setting. It wasn’t even on the low setting, really. It was about a 1/4 inch off the “off” mark, no where near an actual setting. Yet, I had to bear in mind that the #2 setting on my stove sometimes seems like “high boil” because it’s a new stove and really efficient. It seemed reasonable that the stove was leaking a very small amount of gas that was being diluted by the many fans I have running. It makes perfect sense now that the longer I was away, the stronger the scent would be. It doesn’t quite explain why it happened when I left the windows open, but I’m not going to argue with it. Since I’ve turned the knob a quarter inch back to the “off” position, I’ve not smelled it. That had to be it.
What a maroon.
Joelle said at some point on August 16, 2007
taken last night at sunset from the streets around my apartment
It’s Tuesday and we all know that’s just Monday Lite. I’m swamped, so I leave you with this riveting meme I lifted from my trainer’s myspace bulletin. Try not to faint from the excitement!
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1) Florist
2) Perfume Ninja
3) Model
4) Visual Merchandiser
Movies I could watch over and over. (We just covered this, but I’ve since added a few.)
1) When Harry Met Sally
2) American Beauty
3) Secretary
4) Sideways (OK, it’s a repeat. Sue me. I love that movie!)
Four places I have lived:
1) San Diego, CA
2) San Francisco, CA
3) Dallas, TX
4) Daytona Beach, FL (Kind of. Only one day, but I did technically move there.)
Four things I did this weekend:
1) Installed a toilet seat
2) Took photos in the park
3) Hopped around my living room like a fool
4) Sleuthed a mystery smell
Four places I have been on vacation:
1) England
2) Hawaii
3) Jamaica
4) Cabo San Lucas
Four of my favorite foods:
1) fish tacos
2) Hob-Nobs
3) cherries
4) cheese
Four places I would rather be or go:
1) England
2) Belize
3) Italy
4) Spain
What are your favorite activities?
1) singing
2) getting a pedicure
3) laughing
4) creating cocktails
Your favorite non-alcoholic drinks?
1] coffee, coffee, coffee
2] Pellegrino
3] Diet Pepsi Black Cherry Jazz (I can’t believe I’ve become a Diet Pepsi drinker)
4] water
Your favorite alcoholic beverages?
1] slightly dirty vodka martini
2] wine, red or white
3] good beer (Guinness or Stella Artois, most often)
4] champagne
Favorite scent/smells?
1] the ocean
2] amber and vanilla together
3] sauteeing garlic
4] night-blooming jasmine
Favorite colors?
1] pink
2] orange
3] light blue
4] whatever, really. I just love colors. Purple isn’t a huge fave, though.
Favorite Flower?
1] hibiscus
2] gerbera daisies
3] orchids
4] oriental lilies
Favorite TV shows? (I think I watch too much TV lately)
1] Seinfeld (yes, still.)
2] The L Word
3] Weeds
4] Mythbusters
4 Hopes for the future?
1] write more books (and hopefully land our own series)
2) travel Europe
3] weiner dog!
4] road trip across the U.S.
4 bad habits?
1] being too hard on myself
2] skipping the gym
3] impatience
4] not putting the toilet paper back on the roll holder thingie
Hottest profession of opposite sex? (What? What the hell kind of question is this?)
1] musician
2] fancy landscapers? Ground cover and irrigation makes me crazy? I don’t know.
3] dog walker (dogs are a great lady-lure)
4] anything someone does well with confidence is hot, I don’t really care what one’s job is. Just have one.
If you do it, trackback, so I can go read it!
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