Insert Loud Stream of Expletives Here

Joelle said around lunch time on December 15, 2003

My car won’t start. I think it’s the starter… again.  I just put in a brand new starter before I moved here. WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME, JUDY?

I turn the key and it kind of chugged for a second and things flickered and then nothing. Then it was just click click click.  The fan blows, things light up, but I can’t afford a new car nor can afford to fix this car that won’t start.

And to top it all off, I’ve been paying for Roadside Rescue through my Sprint phone for years now, but somehow when I changed numbers, something fell apart and now no one will come out.

Joy.

Delerious Designers Guide to Insults

Joelle said at some point on August 28, 2003

her: GAAAAAAAAAAA I SUCK
me: awwwwwww
me: you suck bezier!
her: i totally suck bezier
me: hahahahahah
her: heheh
her: my curve looks like a limp dick
me: I just snorted
her: lol
me: that’s like such a designer’s insult
me: “Oh yeah! Well, your bezier looks like a limp dick!”
her: BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
me: “your mama’s a bezier!”
her: i just spit water

her: “you bezier tool!”
her: “up your bezier”
me: up your bezier!
me: hahahahahahahahhahaha
her: bahahhahaha
me: eat my bezier!
her: im dying
her: BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
me: bezier is the new chmod
her: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
her: suck my bezier
her: cram it in your bezier
me: HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAH
me: I’m crying over here
her: omg
me: *pants pant*
me: PANTS!?
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
her: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
me: omg
her: is that a bezier in your pants?
me: i’m so blogging this.
her: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
me: prepare for a trackback
me: hahahahaah
me: ping me in the bezier
her: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Rude-y Rude-y Fresh n’ ‘Tude-y

Joelle said at some point on August 25, 2003

Ok, can I just rant some more about rude people? 

I’m standing in line at Lowe’s this weekend to buy the pliers that were supposed to be able to remove the metal thing off my windshield so I can rehang my mirror (that didn’t work) and the guy running the register was having some issues with someone’s check going through. I was the 4th person in line and you know how there’s always 30490568403 registers and only one open, right?  Well, we’d all been standing there for about 10-15 minutes and a man pulled up behind me with his cart about a minute before the next checkstand over opened.

As soon as the light went on and the register guy said, “I can help the next person over here”, the man with the cart darted over there.  Now, I am obviously absolutely fed up with this crap, so I said very loudly, “Sir, maybe you should let these other people go since they’ve been waiting here far longer than you.”

He looked sheepish and kind of mumbled.  The couple in front of me thanked me and moved ahead of Man with the Cart.

Why are people in such a goddamn hurry?  I am Queen Impatient, but not to the point of being rude.  I may think “Jeez, hurry up”, I may shift my weight from side to side and if it’s a particularly long wait, I may say to an employee, “Can you open another register?” but I just don’t think the whole freakin’ world revolves around me and my cart full of spackle.  Sheesh!

And my other huge pet peeve are the Left-Turn Hogs.  I think I’ve ranted about this before, but it happened again this morning. When you pull out into the middle of the road to make a left turn and there’s traffic coming from your right, so you have to wait and some jackass pulls out right next to you and “steals your window”, cutting in front of you.  I’m not Grandma Moses!  It’s not like I was being overly cautious. This person just outright stole my opportunity to go.  And for what?  To drive 300 yards and sit at a stoplight right in front of me.

I know we’re in a world where everything has to be now, now, now and that everyone is caffeinated and in a hurry for everything, but think about it… what are you in such a hurry for?  Slow down for pete’s sake!  Smell the roses, be courteous of others… your generosity and graciousness will pay off.

Unless you’re me.

Mirror, Mirror on the…Awww, Crap

Joelle said around dinner time on July 1, 2003

I’m home now. I finished 4 of the 7 banners I had to reversion (yeah, doesn’t seem like a lot, but trust me, these are complicated banners) and only managed to leave work 40 minutes late.  I do have to go in early tomorrow, but whatever.  As long as I don’t have to work this weekend, I’m a happy girl.

Though, imagine my delight when I got into my 6000 degree car to find that my rearview mirror was dangling from the windshield by a cord because the heat had melted the super duper hold-up-a-building epoxy that attached it to the glass. Nice, huh?  So, I drove all the way home with my mirror swinging, complete with magic tree (in coconut), looking like a Clampett in my beat-to-hell Chevy Cavalier. [cue Dueling Banjos]

I was supposed to go to that Mary Kay party tonight, but wanted to get in a walk to blow off some steam, which I did, and now I am home — showered, Hornsby hard cider in hand, looking to unwind.

*breathe*

So, I’m back now.  Little Mary Sunshine, right?  heh.  Tomorrow is another day, etc. blah and so on.

I suppose I should be thankful I didn’t get crapped on.

In a World of Suck

Joelle said at some point on June 4, 2003

Let me open this Wednesday with a rousing “Craaaaaaaaaap!” Well, that didn’t help much.  I almost didn’t blog because I’m just that kind of feh today.  But, I thought it might help me feel better.

I woke up feeling just kind of meh this morning (do you see a trend in my descriptive words? Even my eloquence has gone to hell today.) My alarm clock is fritzing and it makes these jacked up duck noises at me now, mixed in with Morning Edition on NPR, which sucks.  I had a lackluster workout, didn’t feel motivated or invigorated by it at all, which also sucks.

Allow me to list for you my remaining moments of suck:

1. I pinched my finger in the little door of my gas thingie on my car.
2. A guy pulling into 7-Eleven to get gas banged into the back of me with his jeep.  Not my car—me.
3. About 5 miles from my house, a bird shit straight into my sunroof, all in my hair and down the shoulder and sleeve of my shirt.
4. After driving home, showering, changing and starting over, I was late for work.
5. About 2 miles from work, I hit a bunny. 
6. And then I pulled over and cried like the hormonal, sappy little bitch that I am.

The only bright point of my morning was sitting at a stoplight next to an apple-red Mustang Cobra convertible, complete with cobra emblems and license plate frame, which had a driver that looked like I’d imagine Perry Mason would if he was a Hell’s Angel.  He had his tunes cranked up, the top down and he was really into it.  Into what, you might ask?  Enya.  Would you believe Orinoco Flow?  Now that I think about it, I don’t know if that’s a bright point or not.

Wednesday? Hump this.