Joelle said around lunch time on June 26, 2007 while listening to As - Stevie Wonder
I’m absolutely swamped today. Not feeling well last week and over the weekend have left me slightly behind, but I think some Moxie-style asskickery should sort it all out today. I have assorted things I’d like to blog about, but I really, really need to wrap up these logos I’m working on for my really sweet client. She’s been a peach.
I also need to get these chapters off to our editors before poor Kim and Katie line the dog crates with them. We go to press on Monday. 
Insert assorted shrieking and flailing about like headless chickens here. A little stressed out? You bet! Excited like an 8th grade girl? Totally!
During my ever-so-brief lapse in anything worth griping about, I bring you a few comics I’ve been digging. Click the thumbs to get a larger version of the last two.
From FreelanceSwitch:
From Married to the Sea and Toothpaste for Dinner:
Happy Tuesday!
I’ve been wondering this for a while now, but a recent movie release brings up a question that begs to be asked: what is Hollywood’s obsession with men dressed as big fat women?
I just do not get it. I don’t. I don’t get it. Women spent 99.9% of their time trying not to be big fat women. Actresses can’t get a job if they’re big fat women. But, lo, if you’ve got gonads, it’s apparently no problem.
At first, it was Eddie Murphy doing his whole Nutty Professor thing, which I didn’t really take issue with. Whatever — I figured it was a novelty. Then he did the sequel and I let it slide. Imagine my dismay when that same year, Martin Lawrence starred (and I use that term loosely) in Big Momma’s House. Still, I assumed it was a fad and it would go away.
It’s been ten years since Nutty Professor, kids, and guess what? We’ve had not only these three, but Big Momma’s House 2, Medea’s Family Reunion, Medea’s Class Reunion, Medea Goes to Jail (Is she the new Ernest or what?), Medea Takes Manhattan (not really), Norbit (sweet mercy) and the pièce de résistance: Hairspray.
Oh my god, Hairspray. It really makes me wonder what John Waters must be thinking. Sure, the original film had Divine — a man dressed as a woman, but I think we can all agree that Divine is a far cry from John Travolta in latex and a girdle. Divine was an eccentric, outlandish and totally authentic transvestite. Not a scientologist just looking for another excuse to dance on screen. What, Wild Hogs wasn’t doing it for you, Travolta? I suppose I could see how donning a dress might be the next logical step after pretending to ride motorcycles with Martin Lawrence, but seriously… Seriously.
I also don’t understand the whole “Let’s make a musical out of a movie, then make a movie out of the musical” trend that’s been happening but that’s a discussion for another day. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going go buy some support hose and a prosthetic penis and see if I can get a role playing someone’s obnoxious relative.
Joelle said around mid-afternoon on June 22, 2007
I’ve not been feeling well lately. Nothing catastrophic, just a bit of a summer bug, I think. So, I dragged my sorry self out to the grocery store. I figured it would do me some good to get out in the fresh air and off the couch, plus, I really needed some diet 7-up and saltine crackers.
I’m standing in the last aisle of the store (seriously, why do they put the soda and the crackers way at the end by the tampons and dog food?), deciding between fat-free and regular multi-grain saltines for a good couple minutes and noticed a woman out of the corner of my eye, perusing the soda. To paint a picture for you, she was a heavyset black woman, wearing skin-tight orange stretch pants, a poncho, a knit beanie, flip flops and sunglasses. She had her own unique style I guess. She reminded me a lot of Big Shirl from What’s Happening only with Paris Hilton-style paparazzi glasses — for all that press we get in the snack aisle. Anyway, she turns to me out of nowhere and exclaims, “Giiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrl! Why they trippin’ like dat?”
Startled, I looked around and smiled at her in that, “I’m not entirely sure what you’re on about and I am friendly, but please do not encroach on my personal space” sort of way. She started going off on this rant about how soda costs nothing to make and how could those “soda folks be all frontin’ like dat!”? I was polite and laughed where appropriate. I was cordial while she went on about how she got the “2 litter” apple green tea for only “fiddy cent” at the dollar store and “these co-prit mothafuckas are robbin’ us! Just robbin’ and frontin’!”
Apparently, the “frontin’” didn’t sit too well with my new friend because she started shuffling all the 2 “litters” all over the shelf, putting things back in different places, determined to undermine the “soda-frontin’ mofos”, as she put it. After a few seconds of this, I wished her a good day and tried to scoot before she roped me into some crazy Thelma & Louise crime rampage that might leave me flashing a Coca-Cola truck driver or taking the store manager hostage over an overpriced bottle of Yoo-Hoo. I’m not going off a cliff for Big Shirl.
As I finally turned the corner, she was moving on to the other end of the aisle and she stopped and called out, “You know, you cool, sugar. Wanna help me mess up some of that toilet paper?”
Tempting… but no, thank you.
Joelle said in the late morning on June 20, 2007 while listening to Ben Watt - Buzzin' Fly Vol. 4
I’m not a big gamer by any means, but once in a while I do enjoy a little romp with the ol’ Playstation 2. I have a decade-old ex that was a game programmer for Sega, so I used to be fairly well-versed in the home-console stuff. But, it never really “took” for me and decided my foray into computers was leading me in another direction. Last year, I broke down and bought a Playstation 2, even though I knew that PS 3 was coming out — mostly because it was less expensive and had plenty of games. I have no interest in paying $599 or whatever for a game console I’d use sporadically at best.
Anyway, so I bought this game called Spyro the Dragon: A Hero’s Tail
. It was one of the few games that appealed to me. Most of the games available seem to be shoot ‘em up, kick your ass, battle to the death-types or geared to a much younger audience. Where are the fun, relatively-easy to grasp, run along and bop ‘em on the head for a coin-games of my youth? On another console, that’s where.
So, I get this game and I make it all the way through. I’m pretty proud of myself because my patience level on stuff like that is pretty minimal. But, over time, I managed to finish the entire game. Except… it insists I’ve only completed 99% of it. Supposedly there’s a “dark crystal” somewhere that I haven’t smashed or some nonsense. I’ve used walk-thrus of all varieties, but for the life of me, I can’t find it. I see right where they tell me it should be and it’s not there. Since I bought it used, it makes me wonder if that’s why someone returned it. Really frustrating. I got the next Spyro for Christmas, Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning, but discovered it, too, had become a more battle-centric game.
I also have We Love Katamari, which I thoroughly enjoy for it’s complete weirdness and simple concept. But, once you’ve finished that game, you can only roll up so many roses before you’re ready to move on with your life. I’m not looking to become a professional gamer. I’m not even looking to make it my hobby, but it’s something fun to do that releases my mind from all the day’s goings-on and let’s me refocus my eyes and whatnot elsewhere.
I just want some fun games that are relatively non-violent, simple, fun games. I’m not big on ‘cart’ games (though I’m open to them). I like platform games or stuff like Katamari, I guess. Puzzle-y stuff, too. I’m not big on role-playing, anything that involves long-term commitment or hinges on me interacting with anyone else. (That sounds like a really bad personal ad.) I’ve been considering the Wii and the XBox 360, but I need to find that happy balance of enough games that intrigue me vs. price. Bang for the buck, I guess. Three to four hundred dollars still seems like a lot to me.
So, gamers. What say you? Any recommendations?
Joelle said around lunch time on June 19, 2007 while listening to John Coltrane - Angelica
One of my little stress-relieving activities is clipping the coupons from the Sunday paper while I listen to music or watch mindless trash television. My favorite part, aside from finding $2.00 off of razor blades, are the adverts for ridiculous, usually hideous items that you couldn’t fathom anyone actually buying. Usually, it’s something like a too-good-to-be-true porcelain Christmas tree covered in Yorkshire terriers or a never-to-be-seen-again collectors plate series from the epic drama, Dances with Wolves.
But last night, I was clipping Sunday’s coupons and sadly, I could very well see people ordering these. If you’ve ever shopped at a Wal-mart or visited the grocery store at god-thirty on a Saturday morning, you’ve seen these little numbers. I bring you, The Most Comfortable Lounger You Will Ever Wear! (Also known as Straight-Up Fugly Polyester Mumu!)
Holy bedspreads, Batman! Seriously, ladies, would you wear this? I could see how it would be comfortable, but I could cut a hole in a swimming pool cover and that might be comfortable, too. I see it comes in a wide array of sizes and has “freedom of movement”, but c’mon… “elegant”? Yes, I really should stock up on these for all those black tie functions I attend. The next time I have a cocktail party, I’ll throw on that Midnight Border frock because we all know black is great for evening. Then, I’ll greet my guests with a tray of Pabst, pimento loaf and squeeze cheese on a Ritz.
And another thing… “fashionable patterns”? Really? I would love to know in what solar system those patterns are considered fashionable. I haven’t seen Heidi Klum sporting anything in “Scarlet Floral” or “Teal Garden” this season, have you? Unless we’re talking like, Lunch Lady uniforms. I could see that look being really hot with the cafeteria staff. Can you imagine actually buying these? Like, to wear? On purpose? (And if I’ve insulted anyone who actually owns these, you’ll get over it just like you got over having taste.)
Gentlemen, I have two bits of advice for you: 1) do not ever buy these for your wife or girlfriend. It could come back and bite you in the ass two-fold. She’ll love them or she’ll hate them. Either way, you’re screwed. 2) If your wife or girlfriend starts wearing these, it means she loves you so much, she feels completely comfortable around you. Comfortable enough to wear the least attractive thing ever designed. Sex has now been reserved for anniversaries and birthdays. Maybe Christmas if you remember to de-worm the dog and empty the trash.
I will say they are affordable and with that lovely wash n’ wear versatility of poly knit and kicky waltz length (for all that waltzing!), you would be remiss if you didn’t pick up every pattern. Especially that paisley one — that’s perfect for your next trip to the dollar store followed by the Early Bird liver n’ onions at Denny’s. Order now!
Moxie Design Studios™