Courtesy of vajazzleville.com

Recently, Mel and I had a conversation about vajazzling. Then we tweeted a bit about it and then Kathy was like “What the hell is that and why are you guys discussing this without me?”

The following is this morning’s follow up conversation on said topic.

• Joelle: tell me the truth. did you Google “vajazzle”?
• Kathy: no but I have a good idea of what it is lol
• Joelle: Vajazzling: (v.) The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes.
• Kathy: That’s what I figured

• Kathy: I feel like when you show someone your vajazzle, you should do jazz hands
• Kathy: Mel thinks its overkill
• Joelle: dude, by the time someone is down there, they’re so thankful to be there that as long as it doesn’t stink, I think they’re happy
• Kathy: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
• Kathy: You can’t tell someone “Your vajazzle stinks.”

• Joelle: my waxer does that service now… she says people come in for it more often these days.
• Joelle: it reminds me of when people used to stencil trim and dye their bushes, like hearts and bullseyes.
• Joelle: I mean, why not grow it long, braid it and hang crystal beads? you could call it The Bo Derek.
• Joelle: you could run along the beach in slow motion with your beav out

• Kathy: I think it’s pointless
• Kathy: if you’re into vajeens in general (men or women) i think all they care about is that they get to get near it. they dont care of it looks like a disco ball
• Joelle: right? I was like, “what if you turn out the lights and have a strobe? do people start doing blow and dressing like Bianca Jagger?” You don’t need to turn your twat into Studio 54.
• Kathy: I could have a synthetic wart hog attached to mine and Steve would still be like “wanna do it?”

• Kathy: what if you implanted a strobe light in your uterus?
• Kathy: so every time you opened your legs it was like showing up at Friday Night Wrestling
• Kathy: “Come on DOWN!”

• Kathy: I wonder if you can make your bush a mullet.
• Joelle: that would definitely be “party in the front, business in the back”
• Kathy: I’m googling that
• Kathy: interestingly when you google [bush mullet], you get a lot of images of George Bush…

Me: and drink Sunny D from the carton and demand to know where their Pizza Rolls are?
Me: and you waltz in with a strategically positioned bag of Doritos and they all exclaim how you’re the best mom in the world?

Kathy: something like that
Kathy: only I’ll tell them to make their own damn pizza rolls and I wont be wearing a matching sweater set

Me: well, you DO drive a mini van… it’s a gateway stereotype. Next you’ll be getting drunk at 3 in the afternoon while your kids nap. Oh… wait…

Kathy: i dont drive a minivan THANK YOU

Me: I love that that is the part you took offense to.

Kathy: does it have to be a horse?
Kathy: or could it be like a buffalo
Kathy: or a wooly mammoth
Kathy: or
Kathy: a dead chicken

Joelle: “dead chicken on you!” does have a nice ring.

Kathy:  decomposition brings a new aspect to it.

Joelle: I want mexican food.

Kathy: I want a smoothie and a big rubber fist.

Joelle: I either hear someone’s vibrator… or an electric guitar.

Kathy: What if it’s both?

Joelle: Whoa, it’s Blogasm 2.0!    Remember that old site?  http://truehookupconfessions.com/

Kathy: “I never got a BJ when I was single. Now I’m married, and my wife doesn’t do it. Somehow I feel like I’ve lived an incomplete life. Isn’t every guy entitled to at least one BJ in his life?”

Kathy: DUDE.

Joelle: Dude.

Joelle: Your wife is a bitch.

Kathy: totally!!!

Joelle: “please let me get laid today”

Kathy: damn, people are horny!

Kathy: “I want to try anal with my new fella but last time it was awful… there was a mess and it hurt. Someone give me pointers.”

Kathy: here’s a tip….don’t do it in the ass.

Joelle: hahahaha!

Kathy: try your VAGINA.

Joelle: HAHAHA!

Kathy: hahahaha

Kathy: “I love tossing salad, and having it tossed. I get shivers thinking about it.”

Kathy: Remind me not to share drinks with people

Joelle: *puts down fork*

Joelle: I want two or three weiners.

Kathy: doesn’t every woman?

Joelle: I need one of those remote light switches like in the infomercials.

Kathy: you need The Clapper!

Joelle: yes, but when I have sex, it might be like a disco. *hustles* Ooee ooee!

Kathy: *slap slap slap slap slap*

Kathy: ball to ass contact should be a caveat on the box. “Clapper may not work if you shave your beav.”

Joelle: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a theme.

Joelle: Is there a new way to export from Blogger? I haven’t done it in ages.

Kathy: no, I’d have to look it up in the docs

Joelle: Blogger makes it such a pain in the ass

Kathy: I know. Moving from Blogger to WordPress is a breeze

Joelle: God, not to Expression Engine it isn’t.  I have to export to MT first, do the hokey pokey, then use the MT import utility.

Kathy: Exporting Blogger is like… “crap an anvil, step left, sew a quilt, then download this patch, then call this 800 number, then eat a sardine upside down, bake a cake backwards, enter this key number in the space provided and… voila!”

Joelle: Mmm…. breezy.

Kathy: I am so effing off its not even funny

Joelle: off? how so?

Kathy: huh?

Kathy: dicking off

Kathy: wanking it

Joelle: oohhh!

Kathy: procrastinating

Kathy: choking the Internet Chicken

Joelle: ok, I am so blogging that…