Friday, March 19th, 2010
So, I have this neighbor – he’s an older man, probably in his late 60′s, maybe even 70′s. I sometimes run into him on the stairwell or in the parking lot, bringing in our groceries or whatever.
He’s always been super friendly. My front door is right at the top of the stairwell, so I often see him walk by through my ‘ice cube glass’ windows near my desk. When I moved in, he complimented me on the happiness my yellow hibiscus brought him when it bloomed. And I thought how nice it was that someone even noticed besides me. He looked like a nice old man, what I envision a “grandpa” to be.
Cut to a week or so later, when I’m tempted into downloading a Sex Offender Locator app for my iPhone. You can see where this is going. Grandpa indeed.
read more >
Saturday, July 4th, 2009
So I was just climbing the stairs to my apartment and while on the second landing, I heard a bunch of people coming down from the third floor, where I was heading. I paused politely to wait for them to come down so there wouldn’t be a traffic jam.
I hear them talking and one of the women says REALLY snidely, “Oh my GOD, someone keeps their water bottles on their front porch? How TACKY!”, then they all start filing down the stairs. When they see me, they all say excuse me cordially and one woman was extra sweet — Texas style. Meaning, covered in bullshit, bless her heart.
I smiled back and said jovially, “Oh, it’s no problem. I’m just the woman with the tacky water bottles on her porch.”
They looked uncomfortable and kept walking. But at the bottom of the stairs, I heard one of the women exclaim, “I am SO embarrassed.”
Good, lady. If you’re going to talk shit, keep your voice down or be prepared to be called on it. They’re 5 gallon bottles of delivered spring water, where do you suggest I keep them? Those capris you’re sporting are tacky, but you don’t hear me complaining.
I feel a little bad for firing back and embarrassing her in front of her friends — I could have let it go. But… I didn’t.
No high road for me today I guess. Given the expression on their faces, the low road is more scenic.
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
Since our last episode of Neighbors Who Suck, I have moved. I loved my view and I will miss it, but after much soul (and apartment) searching, I found a place and gave my notice. I just couldn’t take one more midnight wildebeast dance party or one more liason with the snatch banshee next door.
My last place was probably one of the “coolest” placed I’d ever lived, in terms of hipness. For the most part, I’d lived in larger complexes that were fairly organized, well-maintained and suburban (though I did my fair share of couch surfing and car sleeping in my late teens and 20′s). The last place was an old vintage building that I loved so much and the area was close to downtown and had a beautiful view. It was a “cool” place to live, in terms of the area of town.
When GFI lived upstairs, it was fun — we had a good time and socialized fairly regularly, though we were always sensitive to the other’s need for space. But when she moved, aside from the view, there was really no reason to stay. Now that I have Lulu, I needed a bit more space and I started to feel my stuff closing in on me. Plus, with all the turnover in the building, the other tenants, newer tenants, live a “younger” lifestyle than I do (late nights, lots of noise, unpredictable schedules, Miller Lite for chrissake). Not that I’m old, but I’m certainly not twenty-four anymore and we were all just a little too close for comfort. read more >
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
I figured I’d blog today… you know, to give a update to the patient people who still keep up with this blog or who don’t follow me tweets. Matey. That should have said “my tweets”, but we have this thing where if we typo “me (something)” we follow it with “matey”, no matter what. So I did and… well, now you know.
For those who don’t know, I’m moving out of my apartment in a week and a half. I am really going to miss Casa Cocktail and all the good things about it, but lately the crap has started to outweigh the good things. To start, Slick (a.k.a. Guitar Hero) picked up the electric guitar and bass as a hobby, which he played every day at 4pm for 2-3 hours. Is it not bad enough that his girlfriend made sex sounds like a caffeinated baboon, he had to fancy himself The Edge at least 5 days a week? But… a blessing! He moved out in April and took Ape Escape with him.
But then, GFI moved out. I don’t know who the hell she thinks she is just moving out and having a life and stuff. I mean, god, lady. Don’t you know everything revolves around my happiness? Obviously I’m kidding, but I miss her as a neighbor. She never made a peep, we were BNF: Best Neighbors Forever. I could text if she needed help when I heard she might’ve dropped something, she could text me to ask if I had margarita mix, we could sit on the patio and gossip about the neighborhood and I never, ever had to hear her pee. read more >
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
I have gone on many, many times about my quest for the perfect coffeemaker. I’ve gone through several since I started blogging. Each time I griped about this coffeemaker or that, someone would tell me to get a French press and I would politely decline.
A French press? How can I possibly achieve that hot, delicious fresh-brewed cup of joe without a coffeemaker? Pour water in, press it down, voila! Great coffee? Nooo… surely they must be mistaken. In case you hadn’t noticed, I can be quite stubborn.
So how, you might ask, did I end up not only purchasing, but loving my new French press? A desire for better aesthetics in my kitchen. Hey, all things can’t be noble. Sometimes you just want things to look pretty.
GFI and I have identical kitchens since she lives directly above me. We have them set up similarly, too, because we’re dorks like that and we took cues about what worked and what didn’t in each other’s space. For example, we both have our microwaves on top of the refrigerator to save space and we both have tiny lamps scattered around the kitchen for more ambient lighting because we hate the overhead fluorescents. My issue was that GFI’s kitchen always seemed so much cleaner and brighter to me. Same amount of lamps (two small IKEA colored numbers), pretty much the same amount of stuff on the counter… what gives?
The difference? GFI no longer had her coffeemaker on the counter. I, on the other hand, still had my big black Mr. Coffee (which doesn’t make very good coffee anyway and chirps annoyingly). She sang the praises of the coffee press, insisting it produced the most delicious coffee and insisted I go buy one with the Starbucks giftcard she got me for Christmas.
So, for once, I actually did what I was told. I caved in and bought a French press gift set the very next morning on holiday clearance and it was the best thing I ever did. Coffee-wise, anyway.
It’s easy, it takes no time (4 minutes!), little energy, it’s quiet (which ideal first thing in the morning), I get just the right amount of coffee and the flavor is beyond compare. It’s almost creamy the way it foams and creates this rich froth on the top. I also have to heavily endorse my new favorite Starbucks blend, Sumatra Extra Bold (press grind). It makes the most delicious cup, in my opinion, though I have an arsenal of coffee in my cabinet to try. You can use an all-purpose grind, though so far I’ve found the press grind to make the very best brew.
So to everyone who has ever recommended I get a French press, I owe you an apology. You spoke the gospel and I, too brainwashed by Mr. Coffee, turned the other cheek. I don’t know why we allegedly don’t like the French, but for the coffee press alone I’d have to declare vive la France!
