Eugene Sparkelschitz and the Orgasmic Chicken

May 13, 2008 at 08:31am

]]>So I had this post all typed out in the wee hours of Sunday morning, while still feeling the effects of Saturday, but right as I finished it, my laptop powered down and I, forgetting my laptop cord at home, lost the whole thing. @#$%! I haven’t had the mojo to rewrite it until now.

Anyway, Saturday started with us rallying around 1pm and hitting JR’s Bar and Grille, my usual hangout when I’m in town. My favorite bartender, Stephen, works on Saturdays, so Heika, Nikki, and her friends Kelly, Monk and I all decided we needed a relaxed afternoon of cocktailing after that hard night of karaoke we put in Friday. After laying some ground work with some burgers (I love their turkey burgers), the cocktails commenced! And we were having a really good time, too. Our original plan was just to go for a few drinks, hang out, then go home and watch movies, but we were having so much fun, we decided to throw caution …

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I’ve Got My Boots… Dusty.

May 10, 2008 at 08:28am

]]>I’m in Dallas right now visiting my friend and former roommate Nikki. I’m so happy to see her! I realized I hadn’t seen her in almost five years, so it was high time I took a visit to the land of Bless Your Heart.

So far, I’ve gone to a Cuban restaurant and had the most delicious rum punch I’ve EVER had (red wine, silver rum, spiced rum, pineapple juice, splash of pina colada mix on the rock — mmmmmm!) It was vacation in a glass. I’ve also been to Target, watched Pride and Prejudice (GFI will be happy to hear that, you know how I feel about corsety period romances), loved on a big fat cat, and the biggest golden retriever I’ve ever seen named Freethrow.

Last night, we went to this “club” called Sting. I couldn’t possibly express how LAME this place was. It was one of those club complexes where they’ve got a main dance club, a billiards rooms, a lounge, a restaurant and supposedly… a karaoke bar. That place was bizarre. The bus girls kept trying to take our vodka-tonics and they brought us the wrong order of appetizers and never gave us …

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Keen Marketing Insight

May 7, 2008 at 17:38pm

]]>Hire us. We know stuff.

Kathy: if they really want something mainstream they’ll have to ditch the stroke and go all soft focus n’ shit

Joelle: can I quote you on that?

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How to Stay Amused

April 28, 2008 at 08:50am

]]>I make an active effort to take pleasure in the little things. One of those little things is the ”How-To of the Day” that feeds into my Google homepage. It’s rare that I don’t smile at their group of random topics.

Tomorrow it could be ”How to Embalm” and ”How to Make Vegan Pancakes”. You just never know.

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We All Love Ella

April 25, 2008 at 10:33am

]]>Today would have been Ella Fitzgerald’s 90th birthday. She has been my favorite singer probably… well, as long as I have been singing. So, since I was wee. I wish I knew more about her as a person; I should make a point to since I love her voice so much. I admire her at every stage of her career, as her voice and style changed with age and times respectively, she always maintained her unique grace and warm tone. I could listen to her every day… and do, usually.

Ross has put together a really fabulous podcast in her honor. If you’re into Ella, don’t miss it. And, if you’re into any other jazz, funk, latin, soul, etcetera… check out his podcast, illasounds. It’s my favorite.

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Hello Dolly

April 25, 2008 at 07:44am

]]>I can’t remember what I was watching when I thought of this a few weeks ago, but I was trying to remember what dolls and/or toys I had as a kid that I was especially attached to. I remember having a lot of games, puzzles and art supplies, but as an only child I spent a lot of time with adults. I think I abandoned teddies and dolls at a relatively young age or at least didn’t form strong attachments to them. Most of the dolls I had were porcelain, frou-frou dolls that were more for looking at than for playing with. I had a few Barbies that I’d either stripped naked and marvel at the holes in their feet, hyperextending their limbs like the creatures from that bad Charlie Sheen movie about aliens or I’d give them Susan Powter haircuts and make them wear Ken’s clothes.

You know, that’s kind of weird now that I think about it.

Anyway, the point is I never really had a doll that I clung to, at least not for very long. I do recall a rag doll that I referred to as Dressy Bessy, whether or …

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Make Room in the Handbasket

April 24, 2008 at 08:16am

]]>The other night on one of those “Ow, My Balls!” shows ("Most Outrageous Moments” I think it was) they had a clip of a man strolling through a room serenading a crowd with what sounded like Julio Iglesias tunes. That is, until he stepped up on the stage and his fake leg fell off. He then had to sit down on the corner of the stage to put it back on. But, he never stopped singing and hey, man… that’s inspirational.

I spent the last 15 minutes doing an extensive search of the Internet for “singing man fake leg” and “fake leg falls off” to no avail. I can only imagine the spam in my future.

So, while I’m sure I dazzled you with toilet humor, alas I’ve failed you in the realm of prosthesis shenanigans. You’ll just have to settle for this really cute dog and a plea from Wells Fargo for your immortal soul. Mine is clearly already spoken for.

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Bidet, Mate!

April 23, 2008 at 16:46pm

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Yesterday, I discovered this video via Dooce and it never ceases to make me laugh. Aside from the clearly strange commercial, I just don’t get bidets, you know?

Does one really need an entirely separate plumbing apparatus to clean their tuchus? Really? Why not just the obvious… *ahem* adult wipes (ew, what a gross term!). But I’m kind of thinking if you need anything beyond that, you should just drop trou and hit the showers. Something clearly isn’t functioning at peak performance.

And what about people who can’t afford a highfalutin bidet? They’ve gotten along just fine, right? But I guess if they really wanted one… hmmm. Squirt bottle? (Tssst! Tssst!) A nozzle attachment for the sink like for the dishes? I guess those are viable options if one can’t afford their own um… fountain.

I still can’t imagine why anyone would want to hover over one of those things. That’s not refreshing, that just complicated and… well, soggy. I have a hard enough time not touching the seat while hovering in public bathrooms, let alone when I’m …

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Something is Fishy

April 21, 2008 at 09:14am

]]>So… as you may have deduced, Hashbrown is no more. Well, I don’t know if he’s dead; I hope not! On Saturday morning, he was lying on his side at the bottom of the bowl, looking all pale and I really, really, really didn’t want him to die, so I took him into Petco (where I bought him) to see if they could do anything.

After testing the water for ammonia, trying a few different kinds of food, changing the water and the finally trying frozen blood worms, the tech looked at me and said, “Well… we can keep him here for observation if you want, but he doesn’t look good. If he shows no interest in food, that’s not a good sign.” After a few laps around the store and some hemming and hawing, I told him that it was better if he kept Hashbrown and got him well for a new family instead of me taking him home and potentially guaranteeing him The Big Flush.

While he ran off to find the …

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Soggy Hashbrown

April 19, 2008 at 09:49am

]]>Well. Hashbrown is being tended to by the fine folks at Petco. They said he’s sick. :-(

]]>posted from my cell phone

Tenth Muse