Wanker

Joelle said in the early morning on April 1, 2008

It’s Tuesday morning and that means it’s time to talk about last night’s episode of my favorite train wreck, The Bachelor.  Since our last discussion, I’ve had to revise my original assessment of our English friend.  In summary?  Tool.

You have to assume going into this that every bachelor is total horn-dog just looking to bang as many girls as possible on ABC’s dime.  That’s not my assumption of men in general, just a man who would want to pluck his wife from a litter of hos on a game show.

Is it hoes? Hos? Ho’s? Hm. I digress…

So, it doesn’t shock me when I hear from GFI yesterday that the Bachelor, Matt whatever, has made a pass at some girl in a bar back in London who “just happens” to work for TMZ.  Mmmm hmmm.  TMZ claims his lawyer advised him to be on the show so he could marry an American girl and officially relocate to the States.  Seems like a production just to become an American citizen, but I guess it wouldn’t muss his manicure like say, crawling in dangerous tunnels under the cover of night or clinging to a piece of debris in shark-infested waters for weeks in search of sanctuary.  Why file some basic paperwork when you can just marry a hot American girl you barely know?

Well, I guess that’s doesn’t sound that bad. Heh.  But, it does make me wonder if ABC is going to sue him for breach.

Anyway, this wee snag didn’t change my enjoyment of the show this week. Sadly, there was no singing to cringe about, but there was the usual Girl Drama.  It amazes me how incredibly petty and competitive women become.  Of course, this situation is like a festering petri dish of insecurity and jealousy, so it was bound to happen.  It’s encouraged, even.  I guess that’s part of the appeal.

What do we think about Shayne and her spray tan?  I feel like I’ve seen her somewhere before… and not just because she’s Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter. But I don’t recall any of the roles she’s got listed on IMDB… not even what I’m sure was a riveting performance as Red Bikini Girl. Of course, there’s always some aspiring starlet each season; someone who is “not there for the right reasons”, as they say on the show.  Are there right reasons?  You’re on a television show with 25 other desperate women to marry a supposedly rich man you’ve never met.  Yes, I can see your sense of self is an unshakable rock of esteem and principle.

Though, I did love the part where Shayne said something like, “Seriously, you wouldn’t even know who my father is.” Ah, poor Lorenzo.  I wonder how life’s treating him in Has-Been Village…

I don’t mind Robin, but I think from next week’s previews that she may be laying it on a little thick.  I don’t care that she “stole him” away from the other girls. She’s right, it’s a competition not a sorority, but that whole thing with the tea pot that she goes on about next week seems like she’s trying too hard.  But, I’ll reserve judgment on that until I see the post-production editor’s version of how they think it should have happened.

*sigh* I love this completely ridiculous show.  Honestly, I feel like a piece of my soul is stolen every time I watch it, but I can’t help it!  Just uttering those words about TMZ made me feel dirty, but I’ll suppose get over it by next Monday…