The Cone o’ Plenty

Joelle said before her coffee on January 15, 2008

I’ve written before about Booty Parlor and how much I love them.  Kathy and I have been big fans of theirs *cough* since they opened and tell just about everyone about them. We love them so much, we’re in cahoots with them about some upcoming stuff for The Moxie Girls.  They’re courteous, their products are great and while you can get some of the items for less elsewhere, the nice-ities that Booty Parlor offers makes it feel like you’re shopping at Victoria’s Secret, not at Bob’s House o’ Lube or whatever.  Plus, they include batteries *cough cough* and throw in lots of freebies and wrap it all up like lingerie.  In a nutshell, they’re the cat’s pajamas.

Now, most “massagers” (I can’t say that without laughing, I’m sorry… haha!) are fairly self-explanatory. You can determine it’s purpose just by looking at it, but yesterday, Kathy and I spent a good five minutes after our morning meeting yesterday staring at this:

Behold… The Cone.  It sounds very ominous.  It looks very ominous!  Dana, the owner and woman in the video (who is super nice, by the way) claims you can “sit on it, straddle it or stick it to the wall”.    The makers of this futuristic vibe (I believe Booty Parlor just distributes it, it’s not their own creation) claim that it’s “like sculpture”, but I think it looks more like something you’d find in the Method Home section of Target… like it should be filled with dish soap or something.  It definitely doesn’t look like anything I want near anything important. I think the biggest oddity about it for me is the sheer size. It’s bigger than her face in the video!  It’s like a warhead.

It also has a bazillion different “functions”, all controlled by a few lights that you push on the front in various combinations. As Kathy said, “This looks… complicated.” Indeed!  I don’t want to play Simon Says, I just want to get the job done, for pete’s sake.  A girl has needs that don’t involve Morse code. 

It also has an “orgasm” feature.  Um… what? What are the other functions then?  Certainly not “buy me dinner” or “empty the trash”.