“I’ll Have a Twist of Lemon.”
Joelle said at some point on September 12, 2007
I just got back from Starbucks. I had to get in on the whole Pumpkin Spice Latte extravaganza. I wait all year for these to come out, then I drink about 4 and lose interest. By that time, it’s Christmas and I’m ready to move on to Peppermint Lattes anyway. It’s the circle of life.
I realized as I was gearing up to go out for this momentous occasion that there should really be a more discreet and efficient way to order your overpriced frou-frou coffee beverages. I propose business cards (or perhaps a badge if you’re feeling eco-friendly and don’t mind looking like you’re on a challenged kids tour at a museum). Better yet… stickers! Oh, I think I’m on to something here.
This way, when your order, you’re not that pretentious ass that holds up the whole line announcing your order like you’re calling bingo. While I secretly loathe those people, sadly, I sometimes am one of those people. Though, in my defense, I do try to be discreet purposefully so the guy behind me ordering a tall Americano doesn’t hit me in the head with his New York Times. They could look something like this:
It doesn’t say “crazy hot lady” because I think extra highly of myself. Nor is it because I’m mentally unhinged. It’s because I like my lattes “crazy hot”, so a few baristas at my local Starbucks have started referring to me as “the crazy hot lady”, which I find amusing. 
Anyway, you just walk up to the register, give your pleasantries, tear off a sticker for them, they slap it on your cup and ring you up. It’s all there in black and white. Simple, easy to read. Sure, some stores have the little print-outs so when they punch it in the register, it prints a sticker that they slap on the cup. I think that’s a great improvement, but there’s still a bit lost in translation between the orderer and the barista punching it in. With your own labels, you save time repeating yourself, you don’t have to be “that guy” who orders the most complicated thing and I would imagine it might actually improve the accuracy of the orders. It’s less work for them, better beverages for you. If I’m paying $4.50 for a beverage, it damn well better be right.
Though, when you slip one across the counter at them, they might think you’re robbing them… or does that only work at the bank? Hm.
While I may look a little silly, I think I might try it at my local Starbucks and see if it helps speed things along any. Maybe get their feedback on it. It seems like a reasonable thing for people who go every day… the regulars. I don’t every day anymore… but I go about once a week (twice if the spirit moves me). Starbucks should also do some kind of punch-card thing where you get your billionth latte free.
I also think they should buy me a puppy, but that’s really a long shot.
Moxie Design Studios™
Ha!!! “Please don’t spit in my coffee.” I love it!!
This is actually a great idea - they could have a template of these and you just check off what you want and they slap that puppy on the cup. I like it.
from Laguna Hills, CA • Cocktail: Cosmopolitan
You should really try for the puppy. They were giving them away at the one in Lake Forest. :D
That is BRILLIANT. I want to buy you a puppy just for thinking of it.
I hate being one of “those” people but they force me to by not offering my exact drink. Which is almost exactly like yours. And for $4.50 (plus a tip, which I am still vexed about) I want it the way I want it. Ya know?
from West Palm Beach, FL • Cocktail: Champagne Bellini
I think we should write a letter.
“Dear Starbucks,
We’d like stickers… and a puppy. In that order. And we don’t want puppy flavored coffee either. Just the stickers will do.
Thaaaanks,
The Moxie Girls
from Washington, DC
I love the idea! My order is generally not that complicated, but I think it would prevent a lot of mistakes.
Also, I hate hate hate when they don’t write everything you asked for on the cup. There have been multiple times where my coffee isn’t marked skim and I’ve asked. They look at the cup, look at me, and say yes. Hmm...right...I believe you…
OMG, if I order a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks, do I have to make all those choices? If so, I don’t think I can handle it. I’m such a Starbucks noob.
Also, I think Starbucks should give me a free Pumpkin Spice Latte since Panera screwed mine up last week. *grumble*
That’s a great idea! I went this morning for my daily fix and tried the 3 pump/1pump thing you posted. I never even thought to add the chai, but it was really tasty!
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
@geeky: no, you don’t. I’m just complicated like that. You can just order it as-is and it’s still really good. I just don’t like a lot of whipped cream, I need nonfat milk, I like it hot and they put too much syrup in (5 pump!) so I reduce it by one pump and change it a little. And this girl needs all the shots of espresso she can get.
@Michelle: isn’t it good? It’s even better when it’s blended into a Frappuccino (light, of course — if they tell you they can’t do it “light”, they’re lying). It just gives it a little extra spice and not as much syrup. Glad you liked it!
Whew! I’ve never been to a Starbucks before (I know, shocking!) and you had me scared for a minute there! I need lessons in Starbucks. So they have chai coffee syrup? I want that! I love chai.
Joelle,
Like a lot of your ideas, that one is just BRILLIANT!!! It’s so cool I totally wish I’d thought of it. I barely go to SBUX anymore, and I definitely don’t give them complicated orders—a double espresso is more my speed—but I definitely remember, back in the day, trying to order tall syrupy soy mocha thingamabobs, before I forked out the megacash to buy my own Barista machine from them and make my own, and what a hassle it was, hopping from foot to foot while they made the order, hoping they wouldn’t screw up and put real milk in it, and change a totally lactose intolerant person’s, um, plans for the day. I would have been ec-frickin’-static to indulge my OCD with just another outlet—the recipe sticker for my personal drink! You’re amazing. That is cool, and beautiful.
Tonight the boyfriend left a sticker of his own at the bottom of the ice cream container in the freezer—“Sorry, we’re out. Try the gelato.” Maybe I should have had a sticker for that that said, “Keep Out”
from Washington, DC
Just wanted to let you know, I tried the Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino Light with 3 pumps pumpkin, 1 pump chai. Oh it was soooo good! Thanks for the tip!
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
@Lily: Thanks!
Your boyfriend just scored high marks with me, though. That’s FUNNY. hahaha!
@Recovering Overachiever: You’re welcome! I’m so glad you liked it.
from Michigan!
Oh, Joelle. I love so many things you say, but this one is absolutely BRILLIANT! Really! I go to Starbucks enough that I would TOTALLY use the stickers.
Also! I work in a very small office (8 people) and sometimes we are brave enough to pick up coffee for the whole office. We end up with a ridiculous list of extra pumps, non-fats and any other customization you can think of. It would be so helpful to have everyone’s stickers and just hand them over!
I LOVE IT!
So.... you’re writing the Starbucks people about this, right? Because you’re totally on to something here that would just make our coffee lives easier! Have a good weekend, by the way
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
This is encouraging! I may actually prep something to send the Starbucks folk. Maybe it wouldn’t be executed just like this, but it sure would be a timesaver for so many
junkiesregulars.actually, they did something sort of similar to this a couple years ago, if i remember correctly. (I used to be a starbucks corporate flunkie). they introduced a “modifier” promotion, where you could fill out this little book, and give it to the barista, and they would give you one of your “modifiers” free, like an extra shot or breve. it was actually really cool. i stole a whole bunch of the books and gave them to homeless people just to piss off my manager. they would come in and just order shots of espresso with the free coupons, and because starbucks is so honorable, they would give them the free shots. good times.
anyway. i like your idea better - so user friendly! much simpler! i think you’re onto something, joelle!
from hell
I just had an argument with some barista dude. I wanted a no whip, non fat, WHITE hot chocolate. He insisted it was a white hot chocolate. When I got it? White hot MOCHA. Dude, when is coffee, milk?
I’m afraid to order from Starbucks. My coffee ordering skills are “large, double double”. Having a pre-made sticker I could hand to them would take a huge load off my mind. Make them, Joelle. In fact, better yet, let’s make a website where people can answer some questions, and they’ll get a webpage that they can print that has a number of these stickers on it that they can cut out. Just thinking out loud here.
from Vancouver, BC, Canada
I’ve been spreadin’ the pumpkin-chai love up here in Canada. It’s a lovely lovely thing.
I was chatting with someone about your fabulous label idea and she said she knows someone who just gets a bunch of cups from them to take to her office. Then whenever she goes to S’bucks she just fills out the checkboxes on the cup and brings it with her. I still like your idea better. Much more compact.
from Charlotte, NC
Now that Starbucks switched to “percent” milk as their standard instead of the whole milk, my husband isn’t embarrassed to order drinks for me any longer. Several baristas have told me people are returning their drinks saying they taste like water though. Tee hee. Great idea, Joelle! I’d use the stickers.
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
@Heather: I didn’t know that! They switched to “percent”? That’s great. I did hear that “percent” is (or used to be) just a mix of whole and nonfat so they didn’t have to buy another kind of milk. I wonder if they’ve switched to actually purchasing 1 or 2%?
So, if I want it percent (instead of my usual nonfat) I just order it like normal? “Chai Latte” or whatever? I don’t have to say percent? That’s tremendous!
from here. okla-effing-homa.
Wait, why would anyone be vexed about tipping a barista? People tip bartenders, don’t they?
Anyway, I’m all for the stickers. As a former barista of several years, I’d appreciate it. Even though really, only the dickest of the dickwadish baristas would hate you for ordering your drink out loud. As for the people in line, they’re probably going to do the same thing, so whatever about them. Still, it would speed things up, which means more tips in less time for the starving 20-somethings making your drink.