I’ve always loved vintage marketing, advertising, product packaging, story books… anything retro. I especially love the blatantly un-P.C. advertisements of the 40’s-60’s that basically portray women as nothing but baby makin’, soup cookin’ robo-wives, smiling blankly at their Frigidaire while her husband heroically comes through the front door, weilding a briefcase and a look that says, “Honey! You’re inferior!”
Yesterday, Ross and I were trading links and ads we liked and he sent me this one, which absolutely cannot be topped. At least not today. Zonite: For Newer Feminine Hygiene! Newer? Hm.
So, using something that sounds like engine coolant in your hoodie-do is supposed to somehow charm your husband into not going to poker night. Despite it being their quiet evening in, Bill is giving his loving wife the same look you give the weird smelly kid in kindergarten. His poor wife. “An odor she may not detect herself, but is so apparent to other people.” Good god! It makes it sound like she’s walking around with fumes coming off of her like Pigpen. What do her friends say? “Here comes, Betty. Make sure you’re upwind!”
And it’s not poisonous! This product doesn’t mask the natural scent of a woman, it DESTROYS IT. Rawr! Down with vaginas!
Really, there’s nothing I can say that tops this ad. I couldn’t write copy that glorious.
Hilarious - yet so pathetic! I shudder to think what was in the stuff. Plus I’ll bet Briefcase Bill’s butt always smells like a bed of roses…
Okay…so when you Google Zonite, up comes a site called “Museum of Menstruation & Women’s Health” (http://www.mum.org). Who knew a bodily function had their own museum?!? God only knows what they have on display there! I can’t wait to find out if there’s a Museum of Flatulence and Bowel Movements. Just imagine the glorious displays!
Germicidal action? So women not only apparently smelled “offensive”, but they had cooties too? Niiiiice. So funny. And the refreshed dainty feeling? Please, I’m all woman, but I’m certainly not dainty.
How can you explain to your sensitive young wife? Bend over, sniff near her crotch region, and ask, “Jesus Christ, woman, what crawled up your lady business and died?”
“Tested for the douche.” I think I’ve found a new tagline. God, this one is just too funny. I can’t stop laughing. I’d quote my favorite parts, but then I’d just be quoting everything.
I dare you to mail away for the booklet.
Haha. It’s for your Zone.
I especially like “A woman no longer has to use dangerous products.” Yippee! We can stop douching with bleach!
Oh my God. HAHAHAHAAA!
I am…speechless, really.
And the comments on this post are just priceless. Nice one, Deltus.
My sides hurt…
Okay…everyone out there should Gogle Zonite and read all the old ads. This one even states that lack of feminine hygiene actually breaks up homes!
[Edited for size. (view bigger here) - Joelle]
Oh.My.Gosh.
Those ads are hilarious.
It’s amazing how far society has come today, especially when it comes to women and the role they play.
Those are fun to look at though. Definitely have not seen those on a Cracker Barrel wall.
Have you seen this one?
http://girlistic.com/blog/blogs/media/blogs/a/lovequiz.jpg
They wanted us to put LYSOL in our hoohoos!
Dear god, Lysol!?!?! That stuff smells more unpleasant than a 2-week unwashed cooter, for cripes sake! And safe? ummmm… My mom used to make me clean with liquid Lysol and I remember it burning my cuticles and hangnails. Can’t imagine how great that would feel in the ol’ hoo ha!
@Louise: I’ve got an arsenal of these Lysol ones to blog about, too! hehe!
At least with Lysol, being in aerosol form, it’s quick to just spray and go for the Stepford wife with a full day’s agenda!
Oh dear. Give new meaning to the term “vulva musk.” These ads are just too good!
Well, I don’t see how our mothers and grandmothers were able to pass up the promise of “remarkable deodorizing and germicidal action” going on in their choochas.
Why does Zonite make me think of something like a cement company, or a company that supplies construction equipment or something? Yet it can give me that “refreshed dainty feeling”? Lovely!
I love that people went and looked up more on this. LYSOL? Dear God…