Debbie Diapers and the Amazing Technology Craptacular
Joelle said around mid-afternoon on November 10, 2007 while listening to Blossom Dearie - You for Me
When I opened this post and titled it, I thought I wanted to write the whole sordid double-feature story of the Little Router That Couldn’t and The Pokey Little Cell Phone. But I seriously don’t even want to get into what has been my own personal electronics hell for the last few days, so I’m just going to jump right into the highlight of my hell — Debbie Diapers, some miscreant mom in the parking lot of the Sprint store.
I dragged mikey to the Sprint store yesterday with me in a fit of “I’m Getting a New Phone Before I Throw This Against the Wall” and parked next to us was a fairly nice black town car of some sort. Mike got out of the driver’s side and as I was about to exit the passenger side, I noticed a woman slowly making her way from the passenger seat of the town car. She saw me waiting for her, but she took her sweet time. I realized she had a very wee baby with her, so I took a deep breath and tried to be patient. Finally, she rolls out of the car with her baby and starts to walk away.
Using his Spidey Sense, Mike immediately ran over to the town car, bent over and looked underneath. The look on his face said it all. Oh yeah. Diaper.. Used, stinky, poo-laden, stranger-person’s diaper left in the parking lot. That has long been a “thing” with me… I hate littering of any sort, I hate it. But leaving a napkin on a table is a far cry from leaving feces under your Lincoln. We have laws against leaving your dog crap on the ground, you’d think that it would be understood that people crap is pretty much a no-go.
It was confirmed that yes, there is, indeed, a diaper under the car and I noticed that as the woman was walking away, she glanced back at us a few times. I was certain she knew we were talking about her. Perhaps it was my, “She did WHAT!?” that tipped her off.
So, anyway, maybe it was my already foul mood, but I’d had enough. I figured, “Who cares? I’m never going to see this woman again. What’s she going to do? Shank me?” While she was still a good few hundred feet ahead of us, she entered the Sprint store. How convenient! With purpose I marched right through the doors, right past the front desk helper girl (mike stopped to give her the dish) and straight up to Debbie Diapers, who was standing with her assumed husband at the counter. In a voice loud enough for people nearby to hear, but not loud enough that I looked like a crazy person, it went a little like this:
Me: Excuse me, ma’am?(She turned around, still bouncing the baby, with a tight-lipped “What the hell do you want?” look on her face)
Her: Yes?Me: Were you planning on leaving that dirty diaper under your car in the parking lot?
(Looking me directly in the eye, the red splotches of embarrassment creeping their way up her cheeks)
Her: Yup!Me: Wow. Really? So, you’re just going to leave your kid’s poop in the parking lot to rot? To harm the environment? For someone else to pick up?
(Her lips are pinched into a Renee Zellweger-esque onion stink-face by this point and her face is pretty flushed)
Her: Uh huh. Yeah.(Mind you, all of this monosyllabism is presented with a very adolescent, “What are you going to do about it?” kind of tone.)
Me: Really? You’re just going to leave it there because you were too lazy to walk it to the trash? You passed three trash cans on the way to this store… you couldn’t have just dropped it in?
(Her face is red hot at this point and I can see her eyes are glassy and her jaw clenching. Finally, she said nothing, but broke my gaze — I WIN! The best part was that her husband just let her stand there and get her ass reamed by a stranger. Now that’s commitment!)
Me: That’s lovely.
Then I turned and walked away from her.
I was so just… offended! Grossed out! Disgusted by her lack of decency, laziness and outright just… ICK factor. In fact, Sprint should give her a discount because she redirected the anger I was winding up to pitch at Sprint.
We watched, along with our Sprint agent, to make sure she didn’t get creative with that diaper. But, much to my delight, when we left, the diaper was gone. I can only assume I shamed her into picking it up and while I am not the type of person to take pleasure in embarrassing someone, in this case, perhaps it will make her think twice before doing it again.
Hmph! 
Moxie Design Studios™
Go you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Unfortunately, every time I see a diaper anywhere it shouldn’t be, the responsible party is no where to be found. That woman must have had one wonderful “conversation” with her husband after that. I can only imagine what her reply would be to anyone who asked her, “So, how was your day today?” Really, what could she say?
You rock!
from Santa Barbara, CA
Yea, that’s really icky. I mean, come on lady, throw it away! It’s not like there are ever a lack of trashcans if you’re in a shopping center! What if someone accidentally stepped on it, or drives over it?? That’s just gross!
When I worked in retail, employees would often find used diapers left in the dressing rooms. Thankfully I was never one of the lucky people who discovered them, but I can’t believe people sometimes!
Fabulous examples these parents are setting for their children…
Oh and....YOU ROCK!!
Oh my lord. What was she thinking, it was just going to biodegrade out there on the asphalt? People are so lame and self-centered sometimes.
from Canada
Wicked! You know, your conversation with Diaper Doolittle went pretty much the same as mine with non pooper scoopers in the park.
I think poo rises to its own level.
from san diego • Cocktail: margarita
you ROCK!!
folks leave those treasures in my store everyday… tucked into the MERCHANDISE. I only wish i could catch someone like that!
from Chicago
You are my hero! I know I am probably too chicken shit to do something like that. I would probably steam about it all day and by the time I get ready to go to bed I would seriously regret not doing what you did. Maybe you have inspired me to finally speak up at assholes like that.
from not in a dirty diaper
Dude, my man hates littering so much too that he confronts people (sometimes where I have to pull him back). He would have so picked up that diaper and smeared it face down on her driver’s side window.
from West Palm Beach, FL • Cocktail: Champagne Bellini
That is effin’ FOUL dude. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for that. Well unless you’re a dumbass like me and drive away with a poop diaper on the roof of your car. But I went back and picked it up a few days later when I spotted it flattened on my moms street.
:D
God people are so ridiculous.
10 points for you!!
from Iowa
OMG. I change roughly 10-15 diapers a day between my two children. If I leave with my children, I’m changing those diapers in public. I always keep plastic bags in the diaper bag and I bag the dirty diapers and put them back in the diaper bag until I’m home and can properly dispose of them, because I think it is rude to leave dirty diapers in public trash cans. I can’t fathom leaving the dirty diaper in the open. Disgusting and you were absolutely right to confront her. While her response was juvenile, I think she’ll think twice before putting herself in the same embarrassing situation in the future.
from Norfolk, VA
So, I’ve been in DC with my BFF and her 3 mth old and we’ve been carrying around alot of diapers when we can’t find a public trash.
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
Thanks, everyone! Sorry I’ve been remiss in my responses back… playing a little catch-up with work since the Great Cable Outage of ‘07.
I’m glad you said something to her. Hopefully it will make her think twice about ever doing it again!
from Houston • Cocktail: Mango Mojito
Dude, you’re a better person than I am. I’d have stuck it to her car, business end first. (But because I’m extra horrible, I’d have probably also rubbed it on all the car handles first.)
from Behind Blue Eyes
Good grief, that is unconscionable! (I think I misspelled that… ) Anyway, I can’t believe some people - that’s just… ew. Yuck.
And good for you for saying something to her! I’m a wimp and have a hard time with confrontations, so when someone does do that I’m duly impressed. Well done!
from Alexandria VA
You are AWESOME for doing that. Unbelievable that someone would try to leave a shitty diaper under her car. At least she didn’t try to lie about it or something.
Oh, man—I BOW in your general direction. That is outrageously awesome. I think I totally share that public shaming gene with you, but it always veers dangerously close into the, “Am I totally gonna get my ass kicked for bringing this up?” zone, no matter how right I feel myself to be at the time. Luckily I’ve managed to live so far, but this was SOOOOO warranted on your part, and you held it together perfectly. Sheesh. What is frickin’ WRONG with people?! On second thought, this wasn’t Britney, was it? Just checkin’. YIKES!!! You rock, though—massively. UNREAL. Good karma has to be headed your way on that one…
(I guess if you were feeling scientific at the time, you could have asked her if this biohazardous waste was hers. YUCK freakin’ UCK!!!)
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
Thanks everyone!
*standing ovation*
“What’s she going to do? Shank me?” ... HOMAHGAWD you slay me. lol