Condimental
Joelle said in the early morning on April 15, 2008
Last night, I heard the local news guy say, “When you think of popsicles, you probably don’t think of this flavor! A favorite condiment becomes a frozen treat when we return.”
So… mayosicles? ketchupops? salsa sorbet? (Salsa is the #1 condiment in the country, did you know that? Southwest represent!). But lo, it’s the PickleSickle™.
I love pickles, especially those really garlic-y dill ones and those little wee gherkins, but seriously… seriously. PickleSickles? It really doesn’t surprise me that it’s from Texas — home of the “Deep Fried Anything You Can Fit in a Fat Vat”. Though, fried pickles are deeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious in small doses. Cajun restaurants often have them if you’re wondering where one might procure such a thing.
Anyway… pickles. Since when is a pickle a condiment? And if so, then what constitutes a condiment? Is it just something you put on something else to enhance it? If so, then my Sexy Motherpucker lip gloss from Soap & Glory is a condiment, no? (Lip gloss, how I love thee… you taste like chocolate cupcakes.) And what about a burger? I’ve understood meat, cheese and bun to be default components of the cheeseburger with mayo, ketchup, mustard and things of that ilk to be condiments. Lettuce is lettuce. Tomatoes are tomatoes. Pickles are… not condiments.
Now, relish… I’ll have to concede. It’s a condiment. Not a very good one, I might add, but a condiment nonetheless. My pickle relish acceptance extends only to tuna fish and the occasional Hebrew National from Costco.
But it’s not called a RelishSickle, is it? Hm.
Speaking of pickles… who decided the gold standard for pregnancy cravings is “pickles and ice cream”? In the clip of this PickleSickle mania on the news, they showed a woman emptying her pickle pop into a banana split and eating it with her daughter, laughing and looking excited.
Do any pregnant women want pickles and ice cream? Have they ever? I realize that pregnancy cravings are strange. Kathy would have cut someone for pad thai (wasn’t it Thai? I can’t remember now...) and another friend of mine ate her 5’1” weight in bean burritos.
But who one day said, “Pickles and ice cream are the common denominator between all pregnant women to the point that it shall now be the default assumption of what a pregnancy craving should be.”? What if someone’s into sardines and Cool Whip? That’s pretty bizarre, too, but you don’t hear any cute cliches about that, do you? Baby carrots and pudding? Oysters and Nutella? Balut n’ baklava? Hell no. Why pickles and ice cream?
Moxie Design Studios™
It isn’t a condiment if you can’t squeeze it out of a squeeze bottle.
As for pickles and ice cream, it’s just a generic combination of two things that shouldn’t go together. It’s a stereotype, yes, but we need one thing to represent “fucked up food combinations that pregnant women crave”. If it wasn’t pickles and ice cream, it’d be something else, and we’d be asking the same question.
On a side note, when pregnant women get a craving, get whatever it is they want for them. It’s their bodies telling them they need something. Pickles for the sour and vinegar (their bodies needed something acidic, perhaps), ice cream for the sugar, etc.
from Michigan
Okay, I totally agree that a pickle is not at all a condiment!
My twin sister actually legitimately craved pickles and ice cream. She would eat a pickle and immediately want ice cream! I think that it was not just the salty/sweet thing, but the pickles gave her heartburn and the dairy felt good. She was also mad for bean burritos; she used to keep them in her purse!
But I agree...why make the cliche into something more? And, if our estimate was right and the dairy felt good on her heartburn, I don’t think the PickleSicle will have enough dairy for that! I’m sure that the majority of pregnant women do NOT crave that.
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
@Tina: It’s nice to hear that someone actually craved it, though! Clearly at one time it must have been all the rage or it wouldn’t have become such a cliche. But I’ve never known someone personally who ever craved that… or even remotely.
Bean burritos… in her purse. That kills me. haha!
from Michigan
She did crave it. She also really liked pickles with chocolate milk, which is far more disgusting as far as I can tell. YUCK!
I swear to you, Joelle! IN HER PURSE! She would drive through Taco Bell , order like 3 burritos, eat one and put the other two in her purse for later. She’d get hungry every few hours so it was the perfect solution!
from West Palm Beach, FL • Cocktail: Champagne Bellini
Pickle. Sickle. That’s just foul. I’m sorry but that’s right up there with those ear wax or vomit flavored jelly beans.
And yes, I would have run over small pets in my car for pad thai when i was pregnant. That and corn bread. I carried that, too, in my purse.
from here
When I was pregnant with my older child, the first trimester I craved honey nut cheerios, cold milk (which I normally HATE to drink), bananas, white bread, and glazed donuts. I was gaining weight too fast for my midwife’s liking at one point, and I was beating myself up for only wanting those five things, but anything else made me nauseated.
So one day I said to myself, “Self, this is the one time in your life when you can eat whatever the hell you want. So have a bigger donut.” I started buying not a donut from the street vendors in NYC but the big as my forearm crullers of twisted glazed donut heaven.
I didn’t gain another pound until I was 30+ weeks (by which time I craved s’mores). When the midwife asked what I did differently, she didn’t believe me when I told her bigger donuts were the key to happiness.
from Wilmington NC
I like those Bread ‘n’ Butter pickles a lot, but if someone set a dish of ice cream in front of me with those sprinkled on top I think my instinctive reaction would be to punch wildly in their general facial direction.
Maybe pregnant women subconsciously use crazy food combinations as a substitute for what they really want to eat - the heads of their mates.
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
@Sarah: Bigger donuts are the way forward.
@Kevin: “the heads of their mates”. hahahaha!
from Orlando • Cocktail: Sit-Down Straw-Rita
I like my pickles straight up...don’t really dig the deep fried or frozen versions.
And I’ve never been pregnant but certain times of my cycle I could kill someone for a shredded beef chimichanga with the hottest habenero salsa and smothered in cheese. One learns not to argue with those kind of cravings. LOL
from California
Hello Moxie, thanks for the very well written blog. Oscar Wilde said it himself, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Sales are exploding. National distribution is coming this summer. Bizarre since one year ago it didn’t even exist. PS, we recommend trying one in a Pickle-Tini or a bloody mary!
Hrmmm. I like pickles. I think I would, apprehensively, try one. I really want to try fried pickles though. Everything tastes better fried, right?
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
@David M: Congratulations on your sales.
I do think your product is unusual, but there’s clearly a market for it. Kudos! Pray tell… what’s a pickle-tini?
from Minneapolis, MN
As a Minnesota girl, I can confirm that at least in my state a pickle is indeed a condiment. It can usually be found on a relish tray at any family gathering, along with olives, and probably next to hotdish and some “salad” made with Jell-o and marshmallow fluff. Additionally, at the great Minnesota Get-Together (aka the state fair) deep-fried pickles on a stick and deep-fried twinkies on a stick are two of the most popular concessions.
I should move....
from California
Hello Joelle, a pickle-tini is a version of a dirty martini but with pickle juice instead of olive juice. Add pickle juice to taste. Pretty good actually. Google “pickle tini” to find out more.
from San Diego, CA • Cocktail: slightly dirty Grey Goose martini
@Andrea: Ok, but does that make an olive a condiment? We always called that, as you say, a relish tray. Hmmm… now I’m more confused than ever. lol.
@David M: Thanks. I think I’ve heard of that before and being a martini drinker, I might be inclined to give it a go… I thought you were referring to one you specifically made to go with your product.
Thanks for replying!
from vancouver, bc
condiment
salt, pepper, mustard, relish, or a similar substance added in small amounts to food, usually at the table, to improve or adjust its flavor
from Minneapolis, MN
Relish is a condiment. Pickles and olives are on the relish tray so are therefore also condiments.
I don’t know...I got nothin’...I’m from Minnesota…
from joizee
Ha! Balut! You said Balut! ahahahah