8 Things You Don’t Know About Me

Joelle said in the early morning on June 18, 2007 while listening to Sarah Vaughan - It's Crazy

It’s been a long time since I’ve done a meme, but I figured it’s Monday — we need easily digestible bits today.  I swiped this meme from my friend and colleague Lisa (who, by the way, is writing Wordpress for Dummies from our same publisher — just had to get that plug in!).  So, 8 things you don’t know… away we go!

1. I detest use of the suffix “-gate” to reference a scandal. It drives me absolutely up a wall. Let’s break it down, shall we?  The “-gate” suffix originated with the Nixon scandal of Watergate, a scandal so named for the hotel at which the hijinx took place.  Watergate Hotel.  All one word.  A proper noun. Watergate.  There’s no Katrinagate Hotel… no Macacagate Hotel.  Use your heads, media!  And we’re supposed to be getting our news from you?  Now we’ve got ”Monica-gate” (really?  Monica-gate? With all the imagery associated with that scandal, the best they could do was Monica-gate?) , ”Plame-gate”, ”Nipple-gate” (which is just hilarious — it’s not even political!), ”Gonzales-gate”, Camilla-gate?  Ok, wait just one damn minute here…

   ”Camilla-gate”.  This isn’t even an American scandal!  Yet still… “Camilla-gate”.  I don’t get it.

2. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but I really hate marzipan.  I mean, REALLY hate marzipan.  When I was a kid, my aunt gave me fruit-shaped marzipan for some holiday and I think it scarred me for life.  They looked innocent enough, sitting there in the little brown box, looking like cheerful, wee pears and apples. I thought for sure they would taste like… well, pears and apples.  Much to my shock and horror, the taste and texture was what I would imagine licking the business end of a junk yard dog might be like.  Only, slightly almond-flavored.
3. I’ve never been a big crier, but right around 30 years old, I noticed that my emotions were more on the surface than they used to be.  I’m not entirely sure what that’s about and I find it simultaneously freeing and disconcerting.  I think the day I cried at a commercial for puppy food was when I realized my ovaries hold a much larger share in the company than I previously thought.
4. Sometimes when I get really angry, I cry, too.  Of course, this pisses me off even more because when I’m angry, the last thing I want to convey is weakness, but when I’m so mad, I can’t speak, it may go something like this…

   “Joelle, I’m sorry.  We’re laying you off and giving your job to this horribly underqualified slutty girl from marketing,” says the smarmy ass behind the desk.

   Quietly seething, I will respond with nothing but welling tears, a locked jaw and an expression of, “Not the slutty girl!”.

   If you’d like to add “steam from the ears” to that image, laugh in that really patronizing way that indicates you think it’s cute.  Or even better, act annoyed that my display of emotion is delaying the inevitable and ill-deserved blow job you’ll receive from your secretary as soon as I leave.  No, really.  That really gets my blood boiling.  You go right ahead, but you better have Kleenex.

5. The sound of plates and pans clanging together is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.  I absolutely cannot stand it.  This is one reason why I hate emptying the dishwasher or putting dishes away. I have to do it so gingerly to avoid that clanking sound — I’d rather just not do it at all.  In my new place, I don’t have a dishwasher, so it’s not so bad, but I can’t even imagine working in a professional kitchen.  *shudder*
6. I have exactly 23 exercise DVDs and I think I’ve done 8 of them.  I’m sorry, I just can’t bring myself to Yoga Booty Ballet. I just can’t.
7. I sometimes find myself nostalgic for a Saturday morning show that used to run called the Family Film Festival.  It was broadcast from Los Angeles and we’d watch it on KTLA Channel 5.  I can’t remember the name of the host, but it was this older guy and he’d sit in this room with wood paneling, introducing Popeye cartoons or Pippi Longstocking movies. Sometimes, he’d draw something from a random doodle (which I can’t remember if they were user-submitted or if he just drew the squiggle, too). I couldn’t fathom sitting through a Pippi Longstocking movie today, but I find myself thinking of that show and the host from time to time. I wonder what kind of job you get after that.
8. Sometimes, on a quiet morning, I like to open my front door, let the sun shine on my face and celebrate the moments of my life.  OK, it’s not really as dramatic as all that, bu I have developed a guilty pleasure — General Foods International Coffee in Sugar Free Cafe Vienna.  When I was in England, I drank a lot of instant coffee and there was this one place that I’d swear was serving International Coffee. It was just a little greasy spoon place, but I would put money on it — though, I’m sure it would be called something else.  Anyway, when I got home, I picked some up that I keep on hand for those mornings I just don’t feel like committing to a whole pot of coffee.  It reminds me of my trip and about the great times I had and oh my god, I sound just like the commercial.

There you have it: 8 things about me.  I don’t really believe in tagging specific people to do a meme (when did that start happening, anyway?), so go forth and spread the meme far and wide.  Trackback if you do it so I can make sure read your answers.