The other night on one of those “Ow, My Balls!” shows ("Most Outrageous Moments” I think it was) they had a clip of a man strolling through a room serenading a crowd with what sounded like Julio Iglesias tunes. That is, until he stepped up on the stage and his fake leg fell off. He then had to sit down on the corner of the stage to put it back on. But, he never stopped singing and hey, man… that’s inspirational.
I spent the last 15 minutes doing an extensive search of the Internet for “singing man fake leg” and “fake leg falls off” to no avail. I can only imagine the spam in my future.
So, while I’m sure I dazzled you with toilet humor, alas I’ve failed you in the realm of prosthesis shenanigans. You’ll just have to settle for this really cute dog and a plea from Wells Fargo for your immortal soul. Mine is clearly already spoken for.
Joelle said around mid-afternoon on April 23, 2008
Yesterday, I discovered this video via Dooce and it never ceases to make me laugh. Aside from the clearly strange commercial, I just don’t get bidets, you know?
Does one really need an entirely separate plumbing apparatus to clean their tuchus? Really? Why not just the obvious… *ahem* adult wipes (ew, what a gross term!). But I’m kind of thinking if you need anything beyond that, you should just drop trou and hit the showers. Something clearly isn’t functioning at peak performance.
And what about people who can’t afford a highfalutin bidet? They’ve gotten along just fine, right? But I guess if they really wanted one… hmmm. Squirt bottle? (Tssst! Tssst!) A nozzle attachment for the sink like for the dishes? I guess those are viable options if one can’t afford their own um… fountain.
I still can’t imagine why anyone would want to hover over one of those things. That’s not refreshing, that just complicated and… well, soggy. I have a hard enough time not touching the seat while hovering in public bathrooms, let alone when I’m being hosed off by Hole Faithful.
So… as you may have deduced, Hashbrown is no more. Well, I don’t know if he’s dead; I hope not! On Saturday morning, he was lying on his side at the bottom of the bowl, looking all pale and I really, really, really didn’t want him to die, so I took him into Petco (where I bought him) to see if they could do anything.
After testing the water for ammonia, trying a few different kinds of food, changing the water and the finally trying frozen blood worms, the tech looked at me and said, “Well… we can keep him here for observation if you want, but he doesn’t look good. If he shows no interest in food, that’s not a good sign.” After a few laps around the store and some hemming and hawing, I told him that it was better if he kept Hashbrown and got him well for a new family instead of me taking him home and potentially guaranteeing him The Big Flush.
While he ran off to find the paperwork, I perused the Wall o’ Fish and decided on a big deep red one with black-tipped fins. It was the first one that caught my eye, much like NPH did, so despite there being others that were equally as beautiful, I decided to go with the red one. In honor of Hashbrown, I’ve named him Flapjack… another word I love to say and also a breakfast food.
In a weird twist of events, it turned out that Hashbrown was some fancy-ass Halfmoon Betta (I thought it was a Delta-Tail) which I guess I paid like $12.99 for when I bought him. I didn’t even notice! I figured he was $3.50 like the rest. So when I got Flapjack, they gave me change back, even though I bought some other items… I was totally confused until I saw my receipt. So it’s even better that Hashbrown get the care he needs. He’s clearly a high-maintenance fish.
Flapjack is totally nesting in Hashbrown’s old bowl, blowing bubbles and swimming all around. But I replaced the marbles and put in a little zen pagoda thingie. The orange marbles made his red color stand out more. They’ve both eating feasting like kings on blood worms because apparently, my fish are food snobs and they spit out the betta pellets. That’s fine with me — those things stink up the bowl and make it all murky anyway.
I kind of want another one, but let’s keep these alive first, shall we?
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