I Always Feeeel Liiike Somebody’s Watchin’ Meeeeee

Joelle said in the early morning on January 11, 2007

I was in the alley emptying the garbage this morning and I spotted this high up on the telephone pole across from my apartment building.  I had to climb up on a wall (in my pajamas, mind you) to get this shot.

Either a) someone is growing corn in their backyard, b) they’re trying to scare away the ne’er do wells or c) they’re just damn creepy.

Good Morning, Starshine

Joelle said in the early morning on January 10, 2007

#322 on Explore on January 10, 2007

This is my typical morning.  Vitamins, water, big-ass cup o’ joe in my favorite Orange Mug of Doom.  It’s going to be a good day.  It is, dammit.

Lockdown!

Joelle said at some point on January 9, 2007

My property manager recently put a padlock on all of the trash dumpsters in the alley out back.  I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. They say it’s "because of rats", but I think we all know it’s because they don’t want vagrants and homeless digging through the garbage.

From a security perspective, I can appreciate that.  The idea of someone going through my garbage and/or stealing my identity because of said garbage totally gives me the heebs.  But then, responsible people should be shredding and/or tearing up their documentation (*cough*).

I also kind of think, if Joe Homeless is willing to dig through your coffee grounds, your dog crap, your tampons, moldy tupperware, funky spoiled food and assorted other disgusting items just to scrounge up some cash, who the hell are you to stop him? You’ve thrown it out. Let him have it! If you’re not going to lend a hand, then at least let him sift through your aluminum cans.

I do sometimes wish Joe Homeless wouldn’t leave such a mess while sifting through the dumpsters, but I can’t begrudge someone the opportunity to benefit from my laziness.  I win, he wins, the environment wins.  I try to keep my aluminum cans and 20oz plastic bottles separate bag so it’s easy for them to find and grab.  If my managers/neighbors didn’t get their panties in such a knot, I’d leave them right outside the dumpster for them with non-garbage snacks (tied up and out of the way, of course).

But, for now, I have to abide by the rules.  We’ll see how long this lasts before everyone forgets the combination and the padlock gets thrown in the dumpster. 

Om.

Joelle said during happy hour on November 24, 2004

My mind needs to clear of clutter before I begin anything resembling creativity, so I bring you mindless on a platter… a meme.  Stolen from Raven.

1. If you could duct tape someone you dislike into a lawn chair and make them listen to three songs over and over and over, who would the person be and what would the songs be?
I don’t dislike anyone enough to make them listen to Billy Idol’s Mony, Mony, Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Under the Bridge or the Christmas classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Ok, maybe I do.

2. If you could smash a pie in George W. Bush’s face, what flavor would it be?
Turd Meringue.

3. What’s your favorite sandwich?
Roma tomatoes, basil and fresh mozzarella on toasted ciabatta with a drizzle of balsamic vinagrette.  Or a P.B. & J.

4. What kind of underwear do you prefer?
Right now, I’m loving the Hanes cling-to-your-body-ultra-sheer-show-no-panty-line-barely-there panties.  Of course, that’s the unofficial name.  I also like the little tanga boy-shorts.  Or none.

5. Describe your favorite shoes.
Beaten to hell black low-rise Chuck Taylor classics. I love those shoes so much.  I need a new pair, but I hate to part with these; they’re broken in just perfectly.  I also love my black mary janes with the star cut-outs on the toes and my mouse slippers.

6. Do you have a piggy bank? How much is in it?
I have a change dish in the living room where I dump my change at the end of the day. There’s probably like $10 in there. I use it for laundry money.

7. Would you wear bright orange pants if they fit great and were of superior quality?
Hell yes.  If my ass looked great in a pair of pants of superior quality, I don’t care if they’re neon plaid. I’d be parading my neon plaid ass all up n’ down the street yelling, “Look at my ass!  Look at my ass!”.  Or maybe I’d stay home. I’m not sure. But yes, I’d wear them.

8. Scott Peterson: life without parole or the death penalty?
Both. Twice.

9. Would you rather drive a Saturn with dents and a bad paint job that ran great or a BMW that looked great but had frequent engine troubles?
Sadly, I drive a Cavalier that has dents and a bad paint job but it runs ok, so yeah. That one. It’s paid off, so I’ll drive it until I have to punch out the floorboard and power it with my feet.  But long for a baby blue convertible Thunderbird.

10. What actor or actress would you refuse to go to the Academy Awards with?
Ray Liotta or Russell Crowe. They might get some of their smarm on my Valentino.

Hit me in the comments or trackback if wanna get in on it.

Well, That’ll Learn Me

Joelle said around mid-afternoon on August 3, 2004

I just got yelled at for giving a homeless and/or crazy and/or cracked out man some food. I was coming out of Sally Beauty (I was out of shampoo) and I passed him on my way into 7-Eleven for a Diet Pepsi Slurpee.  He was sitting on the ground, rocking back and forth, panhandling for change.  He asked if I had money, which I didn’t (plastic, but I wouldn’t have given him cash anyway), so I said no and went into the store.  I heard him say something about having not eaten as I walked away, so while it could have been bullshit, I figured I’d get him some snacks. So I grabbed a hot dog, a bag of chips, some milk and an apple (might as well make it sort of nutritious, right?).

When I came out, I handed him the sack, and I could see him eyeballing it, surveying the contents, possibly for a forty.  I said, “Here you go, doll.” and started to walk away. He tore into the bag (minus a thank you, but I didn’t really expect one), rocking and mumbling about there finally being someone human in the world.  But, alas, my warm n’ fuzzy was promptly dashed when he screamed out after me, “Apple! APPLE?!  I ain’t got teef, you BITCH! You tryin’ ta be funny!?”

Yes. Yes, sir, I was trying to be funny. I thought to myself, “I think I’ll spend my limited cash on getting your stank ass some dinner; you look like you need it.  But first, I’ll be really clever and get you an apple you can’t eat! Mwahahahhaa!” Insert hand wringing and crazy eyes here.  Actually, it crossed my mind to get him a banana, but given his living situation, I thought the apple might be more durable.  Sue me.  Jeez.

In other news, I was listening to NPR on the way home and I heard that the hearings for Lynndie England are underway.  Good.  Man, I can’t even imagine what it must be to be her right now.  There are no words to describe the shame and humiliation she must feel. Or should feel. Or something.  I’m not good at talking politics and current affairs. I’m going to shut up before I start a brouhaha. Is that how you spell brouhaha?