In Our Lunch Box

Joelle said around lunch time on July 16, 2008

Over a salad, Kathy and I were perusing our new guilty pleasure, TrueHookupConfessions.com.  If your eyes are virginal or you’re pure of heart or… whatever, don’t read any further. 

Joelle: Whoa, it’s Blogasm 2.0!    Remember that old site?  http://truehookupconfessions.com/

Kathy: “I never got a BJ when I was single. Now I’m married, and my wife doesn’t do it. Somehow I feel like I’ve lived an incomplete life. Isn’t every guy entitled to at least one BJ in his life?”

Kathy: DUDE.

Joelle: Dude.

Joelle: Your wife is a bitch.

Kathy: totally!!!

Joelle: “please let me get laid today”

Kathy: damn, people are horny!

Kathy: “I want to try anal with my new fella but last time it was awful… there was a mess and it hurt. Someone give me pointers.”

Kathy: here’s a tip....don’t do it in the ass.

Joelle: hahahaha!

Kathy: try your VAGINA.

Joelle: HAHAHA!

Kathy: hahahaha

Kathy: “I love tossing salad, and having it tossed. I get shivers thinking about it.”

Kathy: Remind me not to share drinks with people

Joelle: *puts down fork*

Impulse Geekery

Joelle said at some point on July 16, 2008

I made a total impulse purchase last night.  Impulse purchases for me are usually relegated to $5 DVDs at Target or maybe the occasional lip gloss or mid-priced bottle of wine. But I was just having that feeling yesterday, so I went to Fry’s.

For those who aren’t familiar with Fry’s, its like a Costco for geeks.  It’s just bits n’ parts n’ drives n’ cables, laptops, fans, ports, electronics, movies, music and… games.  Now, I’ve never been a big “gamer”.  I like few video games and I have specific criteria: it must be cute, it must engage and challenge, but not be so hard I curse the game within 5 minutes. And, preferably, it’ll be nil on the fighting and Battle Royale aspect that many games have taken on lately.  I think I talked about this before… I prefer adventure games and puzzle games, for the most part.

After chatting with my friend macgeezel, who is much more of a gamer than I, I picked up an XBox 360, along with Viva Pinata, Viva Pinata Party Animals, Ratatouille (because I love, love, love the movie and the game got good reviews) and my favorite… Beautiful Katamari.

Like, I said, I don’t really get into the whole role-playing aspect or the war-angles of games. I just want to unwind sometimes and let my brain kind of hang loose, so to speak. I want to see peaceful, pretty things that makes me happy, not a bunch of angry soldiers gunning down a village or whatever.  I have a Playstation 2 which I don’t play that much except for sporadic bouts of Dance Dance Revolution when I’m not inclined to go to the gym, so I’m not entirely sure what possessed me to get this, but… well, I just did. 

Though, to save a little cash, I gathered up all the PS2 games I don’t play and traded them in for a couple of the new XBox games.  Waste not, want not!  Someone else can attempt to enjoy that crap version of Jeopardy for the PS2.  My version had Alex Trebek with a ‘stache, though.

But, now I can play Beautiful Katamari with my friends online!  Hooray!  I don’t have my screenname yet, nor have I set up my profile with the 360 online gaming thingie, but if you’ve got a 360 and a screenname, maybe we can roll up some stuff together sometime…

Laying the Smite Down

Joelle said around lunch time on July 15, 2008

Kathy and I were bombarded this morning with assorted ways our content and/or design work was being highjacked by other people. So I spent my morning drafting DMCA violation notices or otherwise calling out said peddlers of plagiarism. Good times, good times.

One of these offenders was [name removed because it made me feel icky], which I normally would not call out in such a public fashion except for the fact that their about page says they are a Christian-centric company.  That their “primary focus in life is God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost”.  Muh!?  Jesus is going to be pissed.  It’s been a while since I read the Bible, but I did spend a significant portion of my life in parochial schools.  The last time I checked, Big J wasn’t down with theft.  Did I miss that amendment to Exodus 20:15?  “Thou shalt not steal, unless it’s on the Internet”?  I think we need an 11th Commandment – “Thou shalt not be a hypocrite.”

Now, I am not a Christian, but this is double standard by any measure.  This is also a great example of why I have a hard time buying into the idea of Christianity. I’m not knocking Christians, so don’t get all up in holy arms, nor am I suggesting that all Christians do this kind of thing. Of course not.  But this kind of entitlement drives me mad.

So, in Jesus name, I sent a cease and desist.  Amen.

An Excellent Backhand

Joelle said in the early afternoon on July 12, 2008

I was just in Target picking up sandwich bags and a desktop fan. On my way out, I and about a half a dozen other people in the immediate area, spotted a tall, tan, leggy woman with stiletto sandals and the kind of ass you can set a drink on.  She was wearing her caramel colored hair swept up in a bun, as though she’d been at the beach and she was wearing nothing except a thin “wife-beater"-style tank that barely covered her Brazilian.  No, seriously.  Like asscheeks were visible.  She wore a tank top as a dress.

Now, I can so appreciate a beautiful woman. I thought, “Wow, she’s incredible!  She forgot her pants, but she’s got a spectacular ass.” And then, I caught the eye of the 80-year-old Barney Fife security guard checking her out, along with this 40-something guy in a muscle shirt and wrap-around shades.  You know, the kind of guy who does “finger guns” and thinks he’s a babe magnet, but still sports a fanny pack.

I smiled at them both, knowingly and went about my day, weaving through the hordes that find it necessary to invite every member of their family on a shopping trip to Target and then walk 5-across so you can’t pass with your cart. And let us not forget that one meandering kid who completely ignores that you’re trying to get by and you go hoarse saying, “Excuse me, sweetie.” until you realize no one speaks English and you’re forced to run the whole fam damily straight into Small Electrics. But I digress…

I park kind of far from the store, usually, to try to get a few extra steps in and so I was several rows over and several cars back loading up my trunk when the Babe Magnet walked up to my car.

“I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re gorgeous. That woman? She may have been hot, but her face?  It’s not gorgeous like yours. You are beautiful,” he said.

“Thanks. I appreciate that,” I said, closing my trunk.  Babe Magnet sidled up next to me and slipped an arm around my shoulders conspiratorially. 

“"That woman may have had a hot ass, but her face? Nothing like yours.  I’m not saying you don’t have a hot ass, but you’ve got a few more curves than most men like.  I’m just saying that even though I was checking her out and you may be a little curvier, you… you are gorgeous. What a face!”

This is the part where I wanted to clock him in the Adam’s apple, but instead I just said, “Thank you.”

He replied, “No, thank you!  You deserve it!”

I deserve to be hunted down in a parking lot and told by a douchebag that while I sure am pretty, I’m not quite as hot as Miss Brazil back there?  Well, no kidding.  I’m not a supermodel, I will never be a supermodel and guess what? I don’t want to be a supermodel.  I had absolutely no beef with that woman.  She was stunning!  Aside from the tack-factor of her outfit, I had absolutely no issue with her and definitely didn’t convey that.

Maybe the guy was just embarrassed he got caught ogling someone. Maybe he thought he’d offended me because he wasn’t drooling over me, like those women who fight against porn because no one wants to sleep with them.  Or maybe he’s just an idiot.  I suspect the latter.

While I appreciate his compliment, the mind reels that he actually thought I wanted… nay, needed to hear that.  Shove it up your fanny pack, dude.

Cocktails Anyone?

Joelle said around lunch time on July 10, 2008

I’m being a total lazy-ass and cross-posting this from over here because I’ve got lots to do before she gets here!

We finally figured things out regarding our little get-together in August. So here’s the scoop!

What: Drinks with Kathy and Joelle

Where: Lei Lounge (map)

When: Saturday, August 23rd from 5pm to 7pm
(I realize this is kind of advance notice, but then you should be available, no?)

Why: Because we’re awesome, that’s why! 

Kathy and I both will be there, cocktail in hand, ready to chat it up!  We’ll have some pens on hand, too, if you decide you’d like to bring your book for us to sign.  If you plan on being there (and if you plan on bringing a guest or two), please leave a comment over here so I can get a rough headcount. We might need another cabana!

Looking forward to seeing you there…

And, we apologize if anyone isn’t legal or has wee niblets they wanted to bring, but it’s Saturday evening and we’d like to let loose a little — it’s Kathy’s vacation, after all.  21 and up, please! Or, in the ever-so-delicate words of Kathy:

Kathy: there will be cursing, drinking and carrying on like drunk assholes

Kathy: NO

Kathy: KIDS

Heh.    All class.  Read the details here.