Girls Night Out

Wednesday, February 12th, 2003

Is there anything more liberating than taking off your bra when you get home from work?  Damn, that’s good.  It’s the first thing I do, I swear. Ok, close to it. I get home, hang up my coat, take off my shoes, shut the blinds and strip!  The bra comes off so fast, it’s a wonder I don’t put out an eye.

Sarah said this morning that I’m like Hugh Hefner with my robe. I love my robe.  That’s the next step.  Once the tits are liberated from the Underwire Regime, the robe is donned.  Aw, yeah.

Now, if only I could get a bevy of naked people and a mansion. I’d be set.

Demon, please!

Tuesday, February 11th, 2003

*phone rings*

Me: Yo yo yo. Word up, dawwwg!

Sarah: Ok, so I’m just going to start calling out the demons, m’kay?

Me: Ok.

Sarah: Bob?!  Are you in the room, Bob?!

I think she and I will never lack something to talk about.

Jar Heads

Tuesday, February 11th, 2003

Me: You know what I need? A jar opener.  *longing silence* I miss my jar opener.

Sarah: You know what else you could get?

Me: What?

Sarah: You could get some jars.  You know…like to open.

*insert my hysterical laughter here*

*silence on Sarah’s end*

Sarah: What?…I mean, you’re already there!

Just celebrating the moments of our lives, kids.

Why I Haven’t Had a Date in Months

Monday, February 10th, 2003

I am using my friend match .com screen name. My name is (fake name here) I’m look attractive woman. I saw you and your picture on your ad YOU look pretty and soud great and I’m interested. I would like to get to know. If you are interesting please take a look my personal love… I AM SEEKS ROMANCE! (ELSEWHERE IN TEXAS) YOU WILL SEE MY PICTURE OR SEND ME E-MAIL TO MY PERSONAL E-MAIL AT (insert email address here) I am look forward hear you talk some. Have a day-xx!

Right. Ok, then.

Pocket Protector

Monday, February 10th, 2003

The next time I hear someone say “out of pocket” incorrectly, I’m going to riot.  I’ve never heard it used so improperly until I moved to Texas.  It seems that people here think that being “out of pocket” means “out of the office” or “unavailable”.

I. find. this. so. irritating.

For those who don’t know, being “out of pocket” means you’ll have to pay for it yourself.  As in, “Damn, I tried to pass off that hooker as a business expense, but they didn’t believe it when I said I was having dinner with my sister.  Looks like I’ll be out of pocket on that.”

It is not, nor has it ever been, “I’m going to be in a meeting all afternoon, so I’ll be out of pocket. You can reach me on my cell phone.”

Who said that was ok?  Who?  C’mere, let me smack you around a little.