While discussing this with Kathy this morning, we started discussing what O.P.P. stands for.  I had a similar conversation with coworkers in a bar in 2000, but can’t recall what the consensus was.

My understanding was that O.P.P. stands for “Other People’s Pussy”, considering the source is rap group, Naughty By Nature. Kathy, on the other hand, thought otherwise. The conversation went something like this (probably NSFW or anyone who hates the P-word):

Kathy: I thought it stood for Other People’s Privates.  I could be wrong though.

Joelle: Pretty sure it’s pussy. It’s a rap song! You think rappers are going to say “privates”?
Joelle: “Yo YO, SMACK THAT BITCH UP in her no-no bathingsuit area.”

Kathy: yeah but it was a rap song in 1991. they were lame then.
Kathy: because also… the guy says “you down with OPP” and the girls say “yeah you know me”. So it could also be Penis.

Joelle: “I’m down with Other People’s Genitals”
Joelle: Urban Dictionary Definition of OPP

Kathy: why would a rapper girl be down with pussy? I dont think the chorus singers were wearing Crocs and baseball hats.

Joelle: I don’t think it’s a “rapper girl”. It’s just a backup singer. Naughty By Nature had no women.

Kathy: yeah but so what, the girls were singing it. It says here (referring to Urban Dictionary) it could be either, or privates

Joelle: I love this conversation

Kathy: in a VH1 presentation of the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs, Treach of Naughty by Nature states “OPP can stand for anything, the first O is Other and the second P is People’s but the last P can stand for anything.”

(I love that she’s quoting Treach of Naughty by Nature with such authority.)

Kathy: POT PIES
Kathy: PODIATRISTS!

Joelle: I suppose. I think the initial meaning was “pussy”, but over the years, people have had to interpret it however due to the popularity of the song.
Joelle: I can’t FATHOM that a bunch of bad-ass black rapper dudes were all “I say, old chap, I feel ‘pussy’ may be exlcusionary, so let’s make it all encompassing and allow for further interpretation.”
Joelle: I am down with pot pies, though.

Kathy: No, but the theme of the song is being down with humping people, men or women and there is no way to encompass pussy or penis in one word, so they probably just left it questionable. Not that I think they were trying to be fair… I’m sure Mr Rapper looooves pussy.

Joelle: punis?
Kathy: Penssy
Joelle: penussy?

Kathy: I’m down with Other People’s Pencils

Joelle: I’m down with Other People’s Paleontologists.
Joelle: Or Po’Boys.
Joelle: Or Pilates.

Kathy: Palestinians
Joelle: PALESTINIANS!

Joelle: Other People’s Porkchops?
Kathy: I think it stands for Old People’s Pot.

It kind of goes off the rails after that… Kathy’s husband got in on the conversation.

Mr. Kathy’s Husband: maybe its stands for the Oregon Pirate Party
Kathy: or Original Pork Police
Kathy: Open Pot Pie
Kathy: Ornery Pig Pen
Kathy: Ostrich Poop Pick-up

You get the idea.

Kathy: How am I supposed to take a product seriously if they claim it contains ” summer snowflake bulb extract”? Was it harvested by nymphs on the Isles de Harmony?

Me: “It contains the tears of rare pink-tailed unicorns and the crystaline ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp.”

Kathy: Certified Organic ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp…
Kathy: this is another ingredient, and they’re totally serious
Kathy: Monk’s Pepper Berry Extract

Me: Ingredients: twigs, leaves, tibetan monk balls, water, fairy dander, pegasus dandelion ear wax and natural fragrances.

Kathy: tibetan monk ball extract.
Kathy: I dont pay 30 bucks for monk ball extract

Me: Warning: Processed in a facility that also processes pixie farts.

Courtesy of vajazzleville.com

Recently, Mel and I had a conversation about vajazzling. Then we tweeted a bit about it and then Kathy was like “What the hell is that and why are you guys discussing this without me?”

The following is this morning’s follow up conversation on said topic.

• Joelle: tell me the truth. did you Google “vajazzle”?
• Kathy: no but I have a good idea of what it is lol
• Joelle: Vajazzling: (v.) The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes.
• Kathy: That’s what I figured

• Kathy: I feel like when you show someone your vajazzle, you should do jazz hands
• Kathy: Mel thinks its overkill
• Joelle: dude, by the time someone is down there, they’re so thankful to be there that as long as it doesn’t stink, I think they’re happy
• Kathy: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
• Kathy: You can’t tell someone “Your vajazzle stinks.”

• Joelle: my waxer does that service now… she says people come in for it more often these days.
• Joelle: it reminds me of when people used to stencil trim and dye their bushes, like hearts and bullseyes.
• Joelle: I mean, why not grow it long, braid it and hang crystal beads? you could call it The Bo Derek.
• Joelle: you could run along the beach in slow motion with your beav out

• Kathy: I think it’s pointless
• Kathy: if you’re into vajeens in general (men or women) i think all they care about is that they get to get near it. they dont care of it looks like a disco ball
• Joelle: right? I was like, “what if you turn out the lights and have a strobe? do people start doing blow and dressing like Bianca Jagger?” You don’t need to turn your twat into Studio 54.
• Kathy: I could have a synthetic wart hog attached to mine and Steve would still be like “wanna do it?”

• Kathy: what if you implanted a strobe light in your uterus?
• Kathy: so every time you opened your legs it was like showing up at Friday Night Wrestling
• Kathy: “Come on DOWN!”

• Kathy: I wonder if you can make your bush a mullet.
• Joelle: that would definitely be “party in the front, business in the back”
• Kathy: I’m googling that
• Kathy: interestingly when you google [bush mullet], you get a lot of images of George Bush…

Me: and drink Sunny D from the carton and demand to know where their Pizza Rolls are?
Me: and you waltz in with a strategically positioned bag of Doritos and they all exclaim how you’re the best mom in the world?

Kathy: something like that
Kathy: only I’ll tell them to make their own damn pizza rolls and I wont be wearing a matching sweater set

Me: well, you DO drive a mini van… it’s a gateway stereotype. Next you’ll be getting drunk at 3 in the afternoon while your kids nap. Oh… wait…

Kathy: i dont drive a minivan THANK YOU

Me: I love that that is the part you took offense to.

Kathy: does it have to be a horse?
Kathy: or could it be like a buffalo
Kathy: or a wooly mammoth
Kathy: or
Kathy: a dead chicken

Joelle: “dead chicken on you!” does have a nice ring.

Kathy:  decomposition brings a new aspect to it.

Joelle: I want mexican food.

Kathy: I want a smoothie and a big rubber fist.

Joelle: I either hear someone’s vibrator… or an electric guitar.

Kathy: What if it’s both?

Joelle: Whoa, it’s Blogasm 2.0!    Remember that old site?  http://truehookupconfessions.com/

Kathy: “I never got a BJ when I was single. Now I’m married, and my wife doesn’t do it. Somehow I feel like I’ve lived an incomplete life. Isn’t every guy entitled to at least one BJ in his life?”

Kathy: DUDE.

Joelle: Dude.

Joelle: Your wife is a bitch.

Kathy: totally!!!

Joelle: “please let me get laid today”

Kathy: damn, people are horny!

Kathy: “I want to try anal with my new fella but last time it was awful… there was a mess and it hurt. Someone give me pointers.”

Kathy: here’s a tip….don’t do it in the ass.

Joelle: hahahaha!

Kathy: try your VAGINA.

Joelle: HAHAHA!

Kathy: hahahaha

Kathy: “I love tossing salad, and having it tossed. I get shivers thinking about it.”

Kathy: Remind me not to share drinks with people

Joelle: *puts down fork*

Joelle: I want two or three weiners.

Kathy: doesn’t every woman?

Joelle: I need one of those remote light switches like in the infomercials.

Kathy: you need The Clapper!

Joelle: yes, but when I have sex, it might be like a disco. *hustles* Ooee ooee!

Kathy: *slap slap slap slap slap*

Kathy: ball to ass contact should be a caveat on the box. “Clapper may not work if you shave your beav.”

Joelle: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a theme.