Wednesday, March 21st, 2012
Last night, I made a Pinterest board called “OPP” because I sometimes have things I want to pin specifically for other people. Stuff I wouldn’t necessarily re-pin for myself, but things that I know someone else would love. Hence, OPP — Other People’s Pins.
While discussing this with Kathy this morning, we started discussing what O.P.P. stands for. I had a similar conversation with coworkers in a bar in 2000, but can’t recall what the consensus was.
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Wednesday, January 25th, 2012
So this conversation just happened.
Kathy: How am I supposed to take a product seriously if they claim it contains ” summer snowflake bulb extract”? Was it harvested by nymphs on the Isles de Harmony?
Me: “It contains the tears of rare pink-tailed unicorns and the crystaline ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp.”
Kathy: Certified Organic ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp…
Kathy: this is another ingredient, and they’re totally serious
Kathy: Monk’s Pepper Berry Extract
Me: Ingredients: twigs, leaves, tibetan monk balls, water, fairy dander, pegasus dandelion ear wax and natural fragrances.
Kathy: tibetan monk ball extract.
Kathy: I dont pay 30 bucks for monk ball extract
Me: Warning: Processed in a facility that also processes pixie farts.
Wednesday, October 6th, 2010
Courtesy of vajazzleville.com
Recently, Mel and I had a conversation about vajazzling. Then we tweeted a bit about it and then Kathy was like “What the hell is that and why are you guys discussing this without me?”
The following is this morning’s follow up conversation on said topic.
- Joelle: tell me the truth. did you Google “vajazzle”?
- Kathy: no but I have a good idea of what it is lol
- Joelle: Vajazzling: (v.) The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes.
- Kathy: That’s what I figured
- Kathy: I feel like when you show someone your vajazzle, you should do jazz hands
- Kathy: Mel thinks its overkill
- Joelle: dude, by the time someone is down there, they’re so thankful to be there that as long as it doesn’t stink, I think they’re happy
- Kathy: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
- Kathy: You can’t tell someone “Your vajazzle stinks.”
- Joelle: my waxer does that service now… she says people come in for it more often these days.
- Joelle: it reminds me of when people used to stencil trim and dye their bushes, like hearts and bullseyes.
- Joelle: I mean, why not grow it long, braid it and hang crystal beads? you could call it The Bo Derek.
- Joelle: you could run along the beach in slow motion with your beav out
- Kathy: I think it’s pointless
- Kathy: if you’re into vajeens in general (men or women) i think all they care about is that they get to get near it. they dont care of it looks like a disco ball
- Joelle: right? I was like, “what if you turn out the lights and have a strobe? do people start doing blow and dressing like Bianca Jagger?” You don’t need to turn your twat into Studio 54.
- Kathy: I could have a synthetic wart hog attached to mine and Steve would still be like “wanna do it?”
- Kathy: what if you implanted a strobe light in your uterus?
- Kathy: so every time you opened your legs it was like showing up at Friday Night Wrestling
- Kathy: “Come on DOWN!”
- Kathy: I wonder if you can make your bush a mullet.
- Joelle: that would definitely be “party in the front, business in the back”
- Kathy: I’m googling that
- Kathy: interestingly when you google [bush mullet], you get a lot of images of George Bush…
Wednesday, May 12th, 2010
Kathy: i had this vision of when [my kids] teenagers
Kathy: and they come in all dirty and sweaty with a pack of friends
Kathy: and raid my fridge
Me: and drink Sunny D from the carton and demand to know where their Pizza Rolls are?
Me: and you waltz in with a strategically positioned bag of Doritos and they all exclaim how you’re the best mom in the world?
Kathy: something like that
Kathy: only I’ll tell them to make their own damn pizza rolls and I wont be wearing a matching sweater set
Me: well, you DO drive a mini van… it’s a gateway stereotype. Next you’ll be getting drunk at 3 in the afternoon while your kids nap. Oh… wait…
Kathy: i dont drive a minivan THANK YOU
Me: I love that that is the part you took offense to.
Thursday, January 8th, 2009
Joelle: as my father would say, “Horse on you!”
Joelle: I think that’s the old fashioned version of “Sucka!”
Kathy: does it have to be a horse?
Kathy: or could it be like a buffalo
Kathy: or a wooly mammoth
Kathy: a dead chicken
Joelle: “dead chicken on you!” does have a nice ring.
Kathy: decomposition brings a new aspect to it.