Category Archives: snippets

Yeah, You Know Me

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Last night, I made a Pinterest board called “OPP” because I sometimes have things I want to pin specifically for other people. Stuff I wouldn’t necessarily re-pin for myself, but things that I know someone else would love. Hence, OPP — Other People’s Pins.

While discussing this with Kathy this morning, we started discussing what O.P.P. stands for.  I had a similar conversation with coworkers in a bar in 2000, but can’t recall what the consensus was.

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Rich in Proteins and Emollients

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So this conversation just happened.

Kathy: How am I supposed to take a product seriously if they claim it contains ” summer snowflake bulb extract”? Was it harvested by nymphs on the Isles de Harmony?

Me: “It contains the tears of rare pink-tailed unicorns and the crystaline ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp.”

Kathy: Certified Organic ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp…
Kathy: this is another ingredient, and they’re totally serious
Kathy: Monk’s Pepper Berry Extract

Me: Ingredients: twigs, leaves, tibetan monk balls, water, fairy dander, pegasus dandelion ear wax and natural fragrances.

Kathy: tibetan monk ball extract.
Kathy: I dont pay 30 bucks for monk ball extract

Me: Warning: Processed in a facility that also processes pixie farts.

*Vajazzle Hands*

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Courtesy of vajazzleville.com

Recently, Mel and I had a conversation about vajazzling. Then we tweeted a bit about it and then Kathy was like “What the hell is that and why are you guys discussing this without me?”

The following is this morning’s follow up conversation on said topic.

  • Joelle: tell me the truth. did you Google “vajazzle”?
  • Kathy: no but I have a good idea of what it is lol
  • Joelle: Vajazzling: (v.) The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes.
  • Kathy: That’s what I figured
  • Kathy: I feel like when you show someone your vajazzle, you should do jazz hands
  • Kathy: Mel thinks its overkill
  • Joelle: dude, by the time someone is down there, they’re so thankful to be there that as long as it doesn’t stink, I think they’re happy
  • Kathy: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
  • Kathy: You can’t tell someone “Your vajazzle stinks.”
  • Joelle: my waxer does that service now… she says people come in for it more often these days.
  • Joelle: it reminds me of when people used to stencil trim and dye their bushes, like hearts and bullseyes.
  • Joelle: I mean, why not grow it long, braid it and hang crystal beads? you could call it The Bo Derek.
  • Joelle: you could run along the beach in slow motion with your beav out
  • Kathy: I think it’s pointless
  • Kathy: if you’re into vajeens in general (men or women) i think all they care about is that they get to get near it. they dont care of it looks like a disco ball
  • Joelle: right? I was like, “what if you turn out the lights and have a strobe? do people start doing blow and dressing like Bianca Jagger?” You don’t need to turn your twat into Studio 54.
  • Kathy: I could have a synthetic wart hog attached to mine and Steve would still be like “wanna do it?”
  • Kathy: what if you implanted a strobe light in your uterus?
  • Kathy: so every time you opened your legs it was like showing up at Friday Night Wrestling
  • Kathy: “Come on DOWN!”
  • Kathy: I wonder if you can make your bush a mullet.
  • Joelle: that would definitely be “party in the front, business in the back”
  • Kathy: I’m googling that
  • Kathy: interestingly when you google [bush mullet], you get a lot of images of George Bush…
m0xiegirl: oh, I did vajazzle listener just for you
m0xiegirl: and tell me the truth.
m0xiegirl: did you Google “vajazzle”?
m0xiegirl: hahaha
Kathy: no but I have a good idea of what it is lol
m0xiegirl: Vajazzling: The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes.
Kathy: That’s what I figured
Kathy: I feel like when you show someone your vajazzle
Kathy: you should do jazz hands
m0xiegirl: http://www.vajazzleville.com/files/imagecache/main/99134856.jpg
Start Photo Sharing
m0xiegirl: HAHAHAHAHAH
Kathy: Mel thinks its overkill lol
m0xiegirl: dude
m0xiegirl: by the time someone is there
m0xiegirl: they’re so thankful to be there
m0xiegirl: as long as it doesn’t stink, I think they’re happy
Kathy: and hypnotized by the bling
Kathy: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Kathy: “Your vajazzles stink”
m0xiegirl: can you imagine where that might end up?
m0xiegirl: what if it falls off?
m0xiegirl: my waxer does that service now… she says people come in for it more often now
m0xiegirl: it reminds me of when people used to stencil trim and dye their bushes.
m0xiegirl: I mean, why not grow it long, braid it and hang crystal beads? you could call it The Bo Derek
m0xiegirl: you could run along the beach with your beav out in slow motion
Kathy: I think it’s pointless
m0xiegirl: wax or don’t, just keep it clean and tidy and no one is complaining.
Kathy: if you’re into vajeens in general men/women… i think all they care about is that they get to get near it
Kathy: they dont care of it looks like a disco ball
Kathy: but what do i know
m0xiegirl: right? I was like, “what if you turn out the lights and have a strobe? do people start doing blow and dressing like Biana Jagger?”
m0xiegirl: I mean, you don’t need to turn your twat into Studio 54.
Kathy: I could have a synthetic wart hog attached to mine and Steve would still be like “wanna do it?”
m0xiegirl: omg
m0xiegirl: please.
m0xiegirl: I’ll omit the word steve
m0xiegirl: but I MUST TWEET THAT
Kathy: Biana Jagger ahahahaha
Kathy: go for it
Kathy: what if you made it strobe from your uterus
Kathy: so every time you opened your legs it was like showing up at Friday Night Wrestling
m0xiegirl: OMG
m0xiegirl: ok, I might need to blog this conversation
Kathy: with those like giant beams into the sky
m0xiegirl: hahahahahaha
Kathy: hhaahahaah
Kathy: “Come on DOWN!”
m0xiegirl: just add a buy with a mullet and you’ve got a Monster Truck Rally
m0xiegirl: guy
Kathy: totally!
Kathy: or make your bush a mullet
m0xiegirl: bush mullet.
Kathy: that would be funny
m0xiegirl: it’s definitely party in the front, business in the back.
Kathy: I’m googling that
m0xiegirl: LOL
m0xiegirl: reverse mullet. haha
Kathy: interesingly when you google that
Kathy: you get a lot of images of George Bush

Mommy No Like

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Kathy: i had this vision of when [my kids] teenagers
Kathy: and they come in all dirty and sweaty with a pack of friends
Kathy: and raid my fridge

Me: and drink Sunny D from the carton and demand to know where their Pizza Rolls are?
Me: and you waltz in with a strategically positioned bag of Doritos and they all exclaim how you’re the best mom in the world?

Kathy: something like that
Kathy: only I’ll tell them to make their own damn pizza rolls and I wont be wearing a matching sweater set

Me: well, you DO drive a mini van… it’s a gateway stereotype. Next you’ll be getting drunk at 3 in the afternoon while your kids nap. Oh… wait…

Kathy: i dont drive a minivan THANK YOU

Me: I love that that is the part you took offense to.

Creative License

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Joelle: as my father would say,  “Horse on you!”
Joelle: I think that’s the old fashioned version of “Sucka!”

Kathy: does it have to be a horse?
Kathy: or could it be like a buffalo
Kathy: or a wooly mammoth
Kathy: or
Kathy: a dead chicken

Joelle: “dead chicken on you!” does have a nice ring.

Kathy:  decomposition brings a new aspect to it.

Under the Strobelight

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Pretty soon she’ll have a whole woodland creatures comedy set.

Joelle: I need one of those remote light switches like in the infomercials.

Kathy: you need The Clapper!

Joelle: yes, but when I have sex, it might be like a disco. *hustles* Ooee ooee!

Kathy: *slap slap slap slap slap*

Kathy: ball to ass contact should be a caveat on the box. “Clapper may not work if you shave your beav.”

Joelle: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a theme.