Rich in Proteins and Emollients

So this conversation just happened.

Kathy: How am I supposed to take a product seriously if they claim it contains ” summer snowflake bulb extract”? Was it harvested by nymphs on the Isles de Harmony?

Me: “It contains the tears of rare pink-tailed unicorns and the crystaline ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp.”

Kathy: Certified Organic ballsweat of the enchanted forest imp…
Kathy: this is another ingredient, and they’re totally serious
Kathy: Monk’s Pepper Berry Extract

Me: Ingredients: twigs, leaves, tibetan monk balls, water, fairy dander, pegasus dandelion ear wax and natural fragrances.

Kathy: tibetan monk ball extract.
Kathy: I dont pay 30 bucks for monk ball extract

Me: Warning: Processed in a facility that also processes pixie farts.

GoDaddy is Holding Me Captive

As you may have heard, recently GoDaddy caused a big hubbub when it was discovered they supported SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act).  Anyone who supports the freedom of the internet should NOT support SOPA, especially an internet-based corporation! In addition to being ridiculous, it could hinder the livelihoods of anyone working on the internet and everyone’s access to valuable information, among other things.

Anyway, when I found this out, I, along with a lot of other people, moved their domains from GoDaddy to NameCheap or another registrar. (I picked NameCheap because they seem much more transparent as a business, their prices are comparable, their customer service was really awesome and they are openly anti-SOPA.)

Once I cleared out and transferred all our domains from GoDaddy for both my personal account and our Moxie account, I tried to close my accounts. You know, delete them. Like you should be able to since they were your accounts to open in the first place. But guess what? Apparently, you can’t.

I searched high and low on that site and found nothing. I did Google searches. And finally, I called their customer support and was informed that I cannot actually delete my account. Their recommendations are as follows:

  • Remove all your products and domains from your account.
  • Disconnect any payment methods.

That’s it. So your account just sits there, with your personal information in it, just in case you might ever want to return.  But what if you don’t want to return?  I just want to delete my accounts!

I asked the customer service person — quite nicely, actually — if there’s someone else higher up I could speak to about this. They insisted no, there wasn’t and bid me a nice day. Seriously!  She said, “I’m sorry, no. You can’t delete your accounts with GoDaddy and there’s no one higher than me on this subject. Have a nice day.”

Apparently, this woman is the Grand Poobah Empress of GoDaddy Account Deletions.

I hung up and went about my day, but now I’m still getting GoDaddy emails with no access or link to unsubscribe at the bottom. And the real pisser? They close every email “Thank you for being a GoDaddy customer.”

That just frosts me. I AM NOT A GODADDY CUSTOMER and I DONT WANT TO BE and STOP ACTING LIKE I AM. It borders in harassment.

With all the recent accessibility issues regarding GoDaddy, I’m concerned that accounts with our business name, personal information and usernames are just sitting there, empty, waiting to be exploited by hackers or GoDaddy themselves. This is unacceptable to me. It has my name on it, I want it deleted. It seems unethical and maybe even illegal to deny that, no? (I don’t know about the legality, but if it’s not, it’s certainly FISHY.)

I wanted to login and change my username and email address to something fake, but it wouldn’t let me. It said you have to verify the email address change — obviously I can’t do that if the email address I entered is fake.

So you’re just stuck. I suppose they probably expect us to just sit on it and forget, but I’m not forgetting. I’m going to raise a stink. I will call and demand to talk to supervisors until someone can pull their thumb out of their ass long enough to hit “delete”.

GoDaddy, you may have changed your tune about SOPA, but that was only because you were scared of losing business, which you did — a lot of it. It has nothing to do with your business ethics, which are questionable, at best.

Some might see it as no big deal, but I care about what happens to my personal information. I admit, I sign up for a LOT of stuff on the internet, but if I don’t use it, I try to go back and delete the unused accounts. I don’t like all my cheese hanging in the wind, so to speak.  (Who thought of that expression?)  This is no exception.

Dramatic as it might seem, I feel as though I’m being held against my will and it pisses me off.

*Vajazzle Hands*

Courtesy of vajazzleville.com

Recently, Mel and I had a conversation about vajazzling. Then we tweeted a bit about it and then Kathy was like “What the hell is that and why are you guys discussing this without me?”

The following is this morning’s follow up conversation on said topic.

  • Joelle: tell me the truth. did you Google “vajazzle”?
  • Kathy: no but I have a good idea of what it is lol
  • Joelle: Vajazzling: (v.) The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes.
  • Kathy: That’s what I figured
  • Kathy: I feel like when you show someone your vajazzle, you should do jazz hands
  • Kathy: Mel thinks its overkill
  • Joelle: dude, by the time someone is down there, they’re so thankful to be there that as long as it doesn’t stink, I think they’re happy
  • Kathy: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
  • Kathy: You can’t tell someone “Your vajazzle stinks.”
  • Joelle: my waxer does that service now… she says people come in for it more often these days.
  • Joelle: it reminds me of when people used to stencil trim and dye their bushes, like hearts and bullseyes.
  • Joelle: I mean, why not grow it long, braid it and hang crystal beads? you could call it The Bo Derek.
  • Joelle: you could run along the beach in slow motion with your beav out
  • Kathy: I think it’s pointless
  • Kathy: if you’re into vajeens in general (men or women) i think all they care about is that they get to get near it. they dont care of it looks like a disco ball
  • Joelle: right? I was like, “what if you turn out the lights and have a strobe? do people start doing blow and dressing like Bianca Jagger?” You don’t need to turn your twat into Studio 54.
  • Kathy: I could have a synthetic wart hog attached to mine and Steve would still be like “wanna do it?”
  • Kathy: what if you implanted a strobe light in your uterus?
  • Kathy: so every time you opened your legs it was like showing up at Friday Night Wrestling
  • Kathy: “Come on DOWN!”
  • Kathy: I wonder if you can make your bush a mullet.
  • Joelle: that would definitely be “party in the front, business in the back”
  • Kathy: I’m googling that
  • Kathy: interestingly when you google [bush mullet], you get a lot of images of George Bush…
m0xiegirl: oh, I did vajazzle listener just for you
m0xiegirl: and tell me the truth.
m0xiegirl: did you Google “vajazzle”?
m0xiegirl: hahaha
Kathy: no but I have a good idea of what it is lol
m0xiegirl: Vajazzling: The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes.
Kathy: That’s what I figured
Kathy: I feel like when you show someone your vajazzle
Kathy: you should do jazz hands
m0xiegirl: http://www.vajazzleville.com/files/imagecache/main/99134856.jpg
Start Photo Sharing
m0xiegirl: HAHAHAHAHAH
Kathy: Mel thinks its overkill lol
m0xiegirl: dude
m0xiegirl: by the time someone is there
m0xiegirl: they’re so thankful to be there
m0xiegirl: as long as it doesn’t stink, I think they’re happy
Kathy: and hypnotized by the bling
Kathy: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Kathy: “Your vajazzles stink”
m0xiegirl: can you imagine where that might end up?
m0xiegirl: what if it falls off?
m0xiegirl: my waxer does that service now… she says people come in for it more often now
m0xiegirl: it reminds me of when people used to stencil trim and dye their bushes.
m0xiegirl: I mean, why not grow it long, braid it and hang crystal beads? you could call it The Bo Derek
m0xiegirl: you could run along the beach with your beav out in slow motion
Kathy: I think it’s pointless
m0xiegirl: wax or don’t, just keep it clean and tidy and no one is complaining.
Kathy: if you’re into vajeens in general men/women… i think all they care about is that they get to get near it
Kathy: they dont care of it looks like a disco ball
Kathy: but what do i know
m0xiegirl: right? I was like, “what if you turn out the lights and have a strobe? do people start doing blow and dressing like Biana Jagger?”
m0xiegirl: I mean, you don’t need to turn your twat into Studio 54.
Kathy: I could have a synthetic wart hog attached to mine and Steve would still be like “wanna do it?”
m0xiegirl: omg
m0xiegirl: please.
m0xiegirl: I’ll omit the word steve
m0xiegirl: but I MUST TWEET THAT
Kathy: Biana Jagger ahahahaha
Kathy: go for it
Kathy: what if you made it strobe from your uterus
Kathy: so every time you opened your legs it was like showing up at Friday Night Wrestling
m0xiegirl: OMG
m0xiegirl: ok, I might need to blog this conversation
Kathy: with those like giant beams into the sky
m0xiegirl: hahahahahaha
Kathy: hhaahahaah
Kathy: “Come on DOWN!”
m0xiegirl: just add a buy with a mullet and you’ve got a Monster Truck Rally
m0xiegirl: guy
Kathy: totally!
Kathy: or make your bush a mullet
m0xiegirl: bush mullet.
Kathy: that would be funny
m0xiegirl: it’s definitely party in the front, business in the back.
Kathy: I’m googling that
m0xiegirl: LOL
m0xiegirl: reverse mullet. haha
Kathy: interesingly when you google that
Kathy: you get a lot of images of George Bush

“Faaaaabulous!” (or, My Requisite BlogHer Recap)

Now with photos and embarrassing video! Alright, so it’s not as exciting as all that, but we did have a really good time. :)

I left San Diego Wednesday at noon on Jet Blue, who despite the bird-flipping, slide-exiting, job-quitting flight attendant’s recent escapades, is a pretty awesome airline. The seats were roomy, I could stretch out my legs completely in front of me, there was free DirecTV (so I timed my entire trip by how many 30 minute Food Network shows I watched) and the snacks were tasty items like Terra Chips instead of crappy peanuts. And the pilot got us there almost 40 minutes before he said he would, so that was nice.

I took a cab into Manhattan from the airport and proceeded to spastically tweet about how to tip the cabbie. I’m an overtipper and standard tipping here is 20% for like, everything, it seems like, so with a $50 cab ride, I was concerned about giving too much. Of course, despite the encouraging 10% recommendations from Twitter, I still overtipped.

Kathy modeling in our roomWe decided to escape the hub-bub of Blogher, we’d stay elsewhere… so we booked ourselves at Empire Hotel. We found out after we made our reservations that it’s Chuck Bass’ hotel in Gossip Girl, which was pretty funny. While the staff and management at Empire were really lovely, the place was a total Monet. It’s much better on TV.  It looks beautiful from a distance, but when you get up close, it’s much shabbier than the marketing implies. We knew it was a vintage building that had been renovated, but how long ago? There was water damage on the walls, the chairs were pretty worn, our rooms had cobwebs in the corners and the beds… oh my god, the beds. It was like sleeping in a mausoleum — hard, hard mattresses.  HARD.  We both were in pain by the end of the trip.

Oh, also? Apparently, the rooftop deck bar is the hot place to be on a Thursday night. There were lines of short skirts around the block to get upstairs.  If they offer you the 11th floor, despite the spectacular views of Lincoln Center, don’t take it. You’ll hear remixes of Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam and hooker heels on your ceiling until 3:30am (and heat rises, so the hallways were constantly like, Africa Hot, while our rooms were Meat Locker Cold).  Given that we had to be up at 8am for the conference, we sweetly called down to management — I swear! I even made him laugh — and they moved our luggage to the old people’s floor for us the next day and knocked $75 off our bill for two nights. Like I said, great management, mediocre rooms, granite mattresses.  It does have a lovely lobby bar, though.  We called it our Brokedown Palace. With lube.

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Mommy No Like

Kathy: i had this vision of when [my kids] teenagers
Kathy: and they come in all dirty and sweaty with a pack of friends
Kathy: and raid my fridge

Me: and drink Sunny D from the carton and demand to know where their Pizza Rolls are?
Me: and you waltz in with a strategically positioned bag of Doritos and they all exclaim how you’re the best mom in the world?

Kathy: something like that
Kathy: only I’ll tell them to make their own damn pizza rolls and I wont be wearing a matching sweater set

Me: well, you DO drive a mini van… it’s a gateway stereotype. Next you’ll be getting drunk at 3 in the afternoon while your kids nap. Oh… wait…

Kathy: i dont drive a minivan THANK YOU

Me: I love that that is the part you took offense to.

Boss Man Bing

I don’t know if I’m a very good boss.  I’m a bit of a control freak, admittedly, and while I don’t really think others are incapable of handling something, I do often feel it’s easier to do it myself than to spend time explaining something that may not be done “right” the first time.  And when I do take the time to explain something that needs to be done, if it’s not done right the first time, I get a little bent — because I could have done it myself and not had to repeat myself.  This is not to say I’m not open to questions and dialog and suggestions, I totally am.  Input is totally great, but in general, I’m on a schedule and I need stuff done at the same quality level as if I were doing it myself.   Period.

Doesn’t that sound like every boss you’ve ever hated?  When I remove myself from it and look at it as an observer, I feel like now, if I were in a traditional office, I’d be that boss that no one invites to anything.  Except… I’m usually the girl that people do invite to things, that coworkers and colleagues want to have around. It occured to me the other night that, now that I’m my own boss and I hire people to do things for me,  I’m totally Chandler when he gets his promotion in Friends.

“Perfectionist” ranks up there with “she’s got a great personality” in terms of desirability, and it makes people think you’re an overbearing pain in the ass, but without perfectionists in this world, the Earth would be (and sometimes is) one giant orb of mediocrity. It drives me crazy when the opportunity for greatness presents itself and it’s met with “good enough”.  Why be good enough when it can be great?

Of course, we’re only human and sometimes things won’t be perfect. And I know I am imperfect, despite my many creative efforts to blind you all with my glorious gloriousness.  (*clap clap*  Look over here!  Awesomeness!  Shiny!)  I don’t think that means I should stop trying to excel, to go beyond and to achieve something greater than was there before.

But it can be… well, a little exhausting.

Along with accepting responsibility for own my quirks and shortcomings, I blame my detail-oriented, perfection-seeking, boss-man-type tendencies on the former Boss Men in my own life.

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How to Be a Wanker: Lesson 1

As you may know, we’re fairly regularly encounter people who rip off our work, be it writing or design. I think any designer worth their salt has had at least one thing stolen from them somewhere. Or they will, eventually. I used to get really super upset about it, but now I just calmly issue them an email and if I don’t get a response, I send their host a DMCA violation notice. That usually does the trick. No sense in getting all riled up about it — unless they’re actually touting themselves as professionals and attempting to get jobs based on our work. Then I absolutely won’t stand for it.

But never — never! — has anyone ever sent me an email like this. Never ever and I’m rather glad because I’d probably have some kind of rage aneurysm and collapse muttering really classy things like “I’ll cut a bitch!” or similar.

Lawrie (@indextwo on twitter) gave me permission to repost this letter he posted on Facebook. Umar can suck it.
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Testing! Testing! Windows Live Writer!

I have a client who wants to use Windows Live Writer, so I wanted to give it a go to see if it would deliver. As much as I loathe Internet Explorer, this particular Windows goodie is pretty awesome. As I type this, it looks like I’m writing it on my live blog, not within WordPress, but on my actual blog as if I could actually do that.

With this… I can!  Let’s try uploading a photo:

My Erin Rachel HibiscusHuh. This is interesting.  I’m not sure if these effects I’m seeing in Windows Live Writer will show up and my images don’t seem to be floating properly, but we’ll see what happens when I publish.

Carry on!

Ok, I’ve since published this and I must say… I’m pretty impressed. I checked out the html code within WordPress and it’s not a big hot mess. And I’m editing it right now within WordPress and it’s keeping all the effects and styling. I don’t know if i’d use this all the time ,but for clients who really need this kind of WYSIWYG type interface, this would be a lifesaver. Kudos, Windows Live Writer!

Just a Jump to the Left and Then a Step to the Right

Bloggers, I need your opinion! I pose a question that is beginning to really vex me from a user experience standpoint. I’m talking about “previous/next” navigation. Riveting, I realize, but I’m looking for answers and who better to ask than bloggers themselves?

As an old school blogger who started off using MT 1.something, I’m accustomed to the front page of the blog being the most current entries, obviously, and the link for a previous or older entries/entry being displayed on the bottom right of the entries with an arrow or similar indicating “to the right”.  Like I’ve got on this blog.

Over the years, especially with the success of WordPress, I’m seeing it done in the opposite and it’s beginning to confuse me quite a bit while organizing client sites.  In my opinion, you view the most current entry, then “flip back” like a reverse book to read older entries.  And, to that end, the link by default would read something like “older entries” or “previous entries”, not next entries, which I’m seeing linked on the left with a left arrow.  This seems to be WordPress’ default setting.

Uh… this doesn’t make sense to me.  I’m not trying to be difficult… maybe that’s what the kids are doing these days. I don’t know. But if I’m looking at an individual entry, to me, the most recent entry would be “to the left” and should read “newer entry” or “next entry”.  And vice versa.  Why would I go to the right?

So, what do you think?  What makes sense to you?   What do you use on your blog?  I want to make sure the navigation makes sense to users, regardless of what I think.

Thanks for your input!

Fickle

So… I changed my mind about doing a session at BlogHer.  I would rather do something with Kathy and since she can’t be there this time, we’ll wait until next year.  A 30-minute session is pretty darn short to cover much that requires actual instruction, at least from a design standpoint, which is why I wanted to make it more of a “conversation with the Moxie Girls” — a place to just hang out, dish and answer questions about blogging and design.  But, despite the positive response it got, there was also a little confusion, so I think it’s better to just go this year to get a vibe of what the attendees want out of a session.

I was also kind of unclear about how BlogHer handles the submissions and presenters. It would be perhaps several weeks, if not a couple months before I even heard if my panel was chosen, and since it doesn’t appear that speakers get free admission (like SXSW), I wanted to make sure I got my ticket before “early bird pricing” passed me by.  Then I decided if I was going to pay for my ticket, I didn’t really want to be anxious about presenting, too.  Despite my gregarious nature, I get a little nervous speaking in front of groups… alone.   I want to enjoy myself, network, sign some books (I’m working on setting up a signing with our publisher) and mingle with all them fine ladies. :-) Continue reading