Saturday, May 11th, 2013
The Success Indicator (found on Pinterest)
Infographics like this irk me. Who made this woman queen of who is and isn’t successful? Yes, many of the traits, characteristics and habits on the opposing sides are obvious — in essence: be positive, share your knowledge, don’t be an asshole and you can be successful. That’s not entirely true — I know some really positive, happy people who do nothing but lift others up, yet they aren’t necessarily successful. Of course, that depends on how you define success. The purpose of this infographic and the cheesy marketing book behind it has to do with becoming financially liberated, so I’m guessing they’re talking career and monetary success.
But also, it states really stupid things. Apparently, in order to be successful, you must “keep a journal”. Really? I’ve blogged on and off for 10 years, but I dislike most forms of journaling. I feel like, for me, it’s too “soft focus” and touchy-feely. I feel like I’m just talking to myself and I can do that without writing it down. And, apparently, unsuccessful people SAY they journal, but don’t. How the hell does she know? Who says they journal but don’t? In that case, they’d be unsuccessful because they’re a liar, not because they don’t journal.
Also, according to this broad, only unsuccessful people watch TV every day. I’m really not a fan of the “I don’t watch TV” attitude that’s arisen in the last decade or so. Like it’s super uncool to watch TV, so therefore, you must be some slovenly, non-intellectual, unsuccessful lump.
Look, I admit, I watch some TV. Some may even say a lot of TV. I watch a couple/few hours every night, often while engaging in other things (like quality bunny time or tidying up or reading feeds or whatever). Sure, some of it is total trash-detachment television: fluff, mindless, ridiculous nothingness. It’s how I unwind. But a lot of it is smart programming: PBS, Science Channel, History (when they’re not showing Swamp People and shows about roadkill truckers or whatever). So the next person who gives me a snide “Oh, we don’t even own a TV” can sit on it, for all I care. Do what you want, don’t own a TV, don’t watch TV, only watch Dr. Who on Netflix, do whatever you want. But don’t condescend to me about it, hipster.
This infographic lady also says that successful people read every day. Mike would probably disagree with this one (he dislikes most leisure reading, it’s just not his bag), but I’m inclined to agree. I think it doesn’t necessarily matter what you read, it’s just important to read — to gain knowledge — and most of us do that every day, be it via blogs or HuffPo or something more high-brow. In the Internet Age, I think people are hard-pressed not to read every day. But her implication is that if you don’t throw your TV out the window and read Chaucer every night, you’re a sad, unsuccessful schmo.
I call bullshit. Besides, how successful can you be if you have time to sit around making infographics all day? Oh yeah, that’s right, I forgot she doesn’t have a TV…
Monday, May 6th, 2013
My mantra for today, regardless of what people try to throw at me, is “One thing at a time.” I’d like to say it’s my new mantra for life, but let’s just get through today first, shall we?
Every Sunday, I set a plan for my week and inevitably it gets derailed by someone’s panicked email or something that usually takes 10 minutes will explode and suck the rest of my day into a vortex of cursing and database restoration.
While I am eternally grateful for my business and all the work it provides, I need to stop trying to do 15 things at once. Multitasking is overrated, so I’m also considering hiring some subcontractors (for design, development and/or project management) to alleviate some of the workload. I love what I do — but I also am only one person.
So I’m making an effort to not only delegate, but be more efficient, so I can spend more time pursuing other things I love to do. Like drinking in the afternoon.
I’ve never been good at saying “No”. In fact, I’d suspect many women aren’t skilled at it, either. We’re taught to accommodate, to be quiet, to appease, to nurture — and in my proper “what would people think?” family, even if I was emotionally crumbling or screaming inside, I was taught to be a lady. You didn’t air your “dirty laundry” in public — and “in public” meant ever. Having an opinion wasn’t an option and emotions were things you didn’t express, so you sequestered them to the point you forgot you had them. Like Gretchen Wiener’s hair, our family was full of secrets. Most of them we kept from ourselves.
Now, at almost 40, I’m learning to use the word “No”. Though, thanks to my upbringing, it usually comes out more like, “No, I’m really sorry, please forgive me for not being able to drop everything and come to your aid. I shall flog myself later in repentance. I suck. Oh, please sire, grovel grovel etc.”
Hey, it’s a process.
Someday, I’ll be able to deliver an empowered “No” without fear of sounding like a bitch or being worried they think this or that or some other garbage I’ve conjured in my head when really, they just heard me say “No” and went about their day. They’re not writhing around about it (usually), so why should I? It’s OK to say “No”. There doesn’t always have to be complex layers of feelings and judgement. Sometimes “No” just means “No”.
If you have trouble saying “No” without worrying what people will think, I invite you to join me in my effort to knock that shit off.
Monday, April 29th, 2013
Confession: I’m kind of surprised everyone is so amazed by this overweight girl taking photos of herself. Look, I’m not knocking her, personally. I don’t care what size she is. And if that’s how she “got her power back”, then great. But I disagree, respectfully, with her premise.
As a plus-size person who does get looked at sometimes or even snide comments made about them on occasion (and cried about it), she’s setting up elaborate selfies in an awkward way that makes her kind of stick out in a crowd. How is the photo being captured? I assume (and am happy to be corrected here) with a camera on a tripod (or perhaps a Gorillapod) and a remote, unless she’s got a friend taking the photos — which logistically would negate her being the photographer. Any time a camera is set-up, there are people who are going to involve themselves somehow.
In 99% of the photos I’ve seen, she looks decidedly forlorn or has her mouth agape or she is dressed in an unflattering way. She’s generally “out of sorts” in her photos, not just fat, so it doesn’t really surprise me that people look.
People look. It’s just human nature. I don’t think it’s right to verbally criticize people or call them names or make anyone feel uncomfortable — no one has the right to do that. But, I look at people all the time — I may not make ridiculous gaping stares, but I will glance and I may throw a side-eye at whomever is with me, if a person of any size is wearing something inappropriate or nutty or is otherwise carrying themselves in a way that warrants looking.
It’s wonderful that some people feel empowered by her photos and I definitely think some of those people making faces are way over-the-top. No one needs to be that obvious with their “people watching”, but while it may seem like “I don’t get it” or maybe like I’m some kind of compassion-free asshole, if she were smiling or happy or even just nondescript… I might not feel the same way. If she weren’t so obviously taking a photo of herself, foot akimbo, unkempt, mouth hanging open, etc, people might not have the same reaction.
I believe in carrying yourself with dignity, regardless of what size you are, and her photos don’t reflect that, in my opinion. What she’s doing seems to be more of an artistic statement, ergo, she’s presenting herself in a way that gets people to look.
</fat devil’s advocate>
Friday, April 26th, 2013
A shared story about a guy who posted his daughter’s science test filled with religious/scientific inaccuracies sparked a conversation on Facebook that I got so into, I had to stop my long-winded reply and take it to the blog.
I’m not religious — big shocker. But I’m not an atheist. I’m more agnostic, simply for lack of proof either way. Atheism is too finite, in my opinion. I get it, but I’m not totally shutting out the possibility of something more, simply because we just don’t know. I mean, it’s pretty clear to me there’s no omniscient dude on a cloud smiting things and napping on Sunday and all that. But science has not proven there isn’t, which is totally fine and reasonable because that’s science’s job — to prove things — and they haven’t found evidence of that yet. (They probably won’t. I’m just sayin’.)
What gets me is when religious people claim I (and other non-believers) have no faith — that a lack of faith in God is a lack of faith entirely. As if religion has a monopoly on the word. Faith’s definition is believing in something you cannot prove. I can believe The Snorks live in my nightstand and pick my nose for me at night while I sleep, but that doesn’t make it religious. (Or true.)
I do have faith — in science. I believe in scientist’s abilities to hypothesize and form theories based on facts they can prove. My faith lies in their ability to suss out the truth and make educated deductions based on that truth. When science tells me the sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more effectively than they scatter red light, I believe them because they’re educated people who know about molecules more than I do. And you know what else I like about science? Science is allowed to be wrong — and scientists are cool with that — because it means another discovery is made, a theory has been proven or a new hypothesis is born. You know, science-y shit!
I’m totally cool with folks believing whatever makes them happy, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. I truly am. Sometimes, what they believe is batshit crazy, in my opinion. Other times, what one believes consoles people in times of need or lifts up one’s life in a way I can’t understand and I’m totally fine with that. As long someone’s faith doesn’t infringe on anyone else’s liberties, life or well-being or influence what should be neutral arenas (like politics and government), it’s none of my business.
Believe the Snorks live under your nightstand for all I care.
Friday, April 19th, 2013
I’m sitting in my new office, listening to the quiet. Well, the semi-quiet — there are some birds chirping and a lady playing with her basset hound in the dog park across from our building. Those are happy sounds, which fill my heart with warm fuzzies and rainbow-pooping unicorns. I’ve got a full, hot cup of delicious coffee and a bunny napping in the other room. I’m enjoying the breeze as it blows through the apartment and the warmth of the 70 degrees on my shoulders as my east-facing office gets the morning sun as it moves across the sky.
This doesn’t suck.
“In times like these…” is one of those phrases that grates on my nerves a bit. It goes hand in hand with “now more than ever”, another of my least favorite cliches. Cliches? Colloquialism? Idioms? Whatever. I’m not a fan. But, given all that’s happened this week, I have to concede that in times like these I am grateful.
This week has been grievous for so many. Much like 9/11, I’m not directly affected by the tragedies in Boston or in Texas. I don’t know anyone directly involved, it wasn’t near me and I am safe in my southern California cocoon, for now. But I’m human, compassionate and saddened for those who lost their lives, their limbs, who risked and gave their lives trying to catch those who did these awful things in Boston; for those who died and those who are now grieving those lost in the explosions in West, Texas.
It’s been a rough week.
So today, this otherwise average Friday, I am uncharacteristically “soft-focus”, filled with gratitude for what I have, what I do and those I love.
I am grateful. That is all.