But Not a Grape
Monday, April 16th, 2012
I don’t usually post much about my relationship with mikey. Some things are just nobody’s business and I’d hate it if he blogged about how I had a hormonal meltdown over a bad pedicure yesterday and stomped around the house like a spoiled asshole godzilla. Some things are just… privileged.
But a conversation about German food with Kathy just now had me thinking about one of mike’s little peccadilloes… he’s a picky eater.
This sometimes poses an issue for me, The Girl Who Will Eat Just About Anything But Marzipan. It can be frustrating when your other half won’t stray from their four food groups: Pizza, Burgers, Mexican Food, and Pasta.
No fish (which isn’t uncommon), but also no fruit, none. No fresh fruit, no cooked fruit, no fruit in dessert. Nyet fruit. Except blueberries, but only if they’re in muffins or pancakes. Like, once a year I can get him to chug down a blackberry yogurt, but the rest of the time, it’s a fruit-free zone. Also, no vegetables — well, a few: corn, mushrooms, broccoli and sometimes green beans… if the planets are aligned and we’re having steak.
Now, to his credit, the things he does like, I happen to like, too. (Mmmm… mexican food…) But I also have a more varied palette, so I get sick of those things pretty quickly. And I’m also fairly adventurous and love to try new restaurants, go out for sushi, explore ethnic cuisines… that’s not really his jam.
Mike doesn’t care for Asian food, either, on the whole. Since he’s Filipino, this sometimes gets him flack, but it’s just not his thing. He likes enough of it, though. Lumpia/egg rolls, super-crispy won tons, teriyaki chicken, and chicken fried rice = yes. Everything else, from the Philippines to China and everywhere in between and likely surrounding = no.
Sometimes I feel bad for him. That sounds terribly condescending, but it’s because I care. He’s a grown man, he can choose what he wants to eat, but some things are just so freaking good and the fact that he won’t try it or think he won’t like makes me a weep a little inside for all the deliciousness he’s missing. I want to enrich his life with dark chocolate and halibut! But not together, I’m not that adventurous.
He will occasionally give something a go if I harangue him enough about it or if it’s close enough to something he does like. And sometimes, he will concede that he likes something new. It’s not often, but I consider it a tiny victory. There’s a culinary end-zone dance going on in my head when this occurs.
What I find totally perplexing is the things he will eat, while excluding yummy goodness like roasted zucchini, grapes, strawberries or butternut squash. Things like asparagus — now, I love asparagus, but as far as veggies go, it’s polarizing. It’s not really a “starter vegetable”. I’d say it’s more in the “advanced vegetables” category along with brussell sprouts and eggplant, so for that to be one of his favorites? I find that surprising.
Also, liverwurst. LIVER. WURST. It’s got “worst” right in the name, yet he likes it. Go figure.
Shrimp chips. He knows how I feel about these. I’ve grown accustomed to them over the years — in the beginning, the mere opening of the bag would send me gagging, but now I’ve learned to filter out the smell. For those not familiar with Asian snack fare, shrimp chips are these cheese-puff like things, but instead of technicolor orange cheese flavoring on the outside, it’s a powdered shrimp flavoring. (I think Walkers makes something similar in England, but in potato chip form.)
Mmm… powdered shrimp. #heave (Yes, I just hashtagged. It’s compulsive.) Mike says it’s a throwback to his youth and despite not liking most Asian food, he loves shrimp chips.
So, as Kathy says, “But not a grape.” He’ll eat liverwurst and asparagus and artificially flavored shrimp cheetos, but not a grape. Not a grape.
I endure these little quirks. They’re not deal breakers. Besides, he puts up with my habit of never putting the toilet paper tube back on the holder. And finding my hair in places least expected. And my sneaky razor theft. And my inexplicable rage over too-short toenails.
So, when I consider those things and the fact that he kills the spiders and drags out the trash cans without bitching, I guess I can eat another slice of pizza.
Wow…Mikey is exactly like my twin brother. My brother once ate the same thing for lunch for an entire month — a certain kind of pre-packaged calzone from Costco. After eating them for a solid month, he found out one of the listed ingredients, albeit way down near the end of the list, was mustard. He immediately stopped eating them and has not touched one since.
He will eat Funyuns, but also no grapes. Mikey actually has more food groups than my brother, but they’re virtually the same. Sadly, my brother is now passing these eating habits to his son. Ironically, I am actually allergic to all raw fruits and vegetables (long story) and would kill to eat a grape!
mikey likes Funyuns and hates mustard, too. But he does get sick of things after a few days. I don’t think he could calzone it for a month. haha!
Fortunately, he wishes he liked more stuff, so I don’t think he’d pass on his palette. Our rabbit likes more veggies than he does anyway.
mmmmmmm i love those shrimp stick-thingies, they’re known as Calbee prawn crackers here
I was eating those before I was eating potato chips – they are local fare 
Never get between a shrimp cracker/chip lover and his/her ‘fix’
I think you have to almost grow up with some of these things to understand them LOL. There is this thing here literally called stinky tofu and I love it! It’s fermented tofu which is then deep fried and the scent is well….unusual.
Then of course there is the durian fruit that actually does smell of vomit!
Oh boy, does this sound familiar. When I started dating my husband, his food almost exclusively came from restaurants and contained few to no vegetables. There were a lot of burgers and pizza. It was bad. There was also a very long list of things he insisted he did not like: dark chocolate, fish, mushrooms, calamari, broccoli (unless it was covered in cheese), plus a whole lot of other things – and the poor guy had never had a pear that didn’t come from a can!
I’ve realized over the years that a lot of it stems from being exposed to limited foods growing up. I’m happy to report he’s come a long way in 10 years though. He’s usually at least willing to try foods occasionally. He finally tasted calamari in Vegas (of all places!) a few years ago on a work trip. Surprise! He liked it. He’s also tried and decided he likes some kinds of fish, though shrimp and scallops are still a no-go. And he likes mushrooms now! But hates roasted broccoli. Oh, and I can’t keep him out of my dark chocolate now. Should have kept that one to myself :\
I think my husband sees how excited I get about food and he gets curious enough to try new things. Who knows, maybe Mikey will come around too
Perhaps. I’m not holding my breath. haha!
My co-worker has the same no-fruit rule. I had never heard of such a thing before her..
Admittedly, I don’t eat as much fruit as I should. If it’s served to me, i’ll eat it and if something is in season and looks particularly good, I’ll buy it, but I eat way more vegetables than fruit. But I do *like* it.
Last night, mike told me that it’s not so much the flavor of the fruit he doesn’t like, it’s the texture.
It kind of amazes me that people can live and not eat fruit and vegetables. Mr. Darcy could exist on meat, cheese, sugar, and bread. And essentially he does unless he’s cooking something I made. He will eat fruit but not ever on purpose, more like it’s there and so he’ll eat it. The man would live on philly cheesesteaks, pizza, and burgers if he had his way. Maybe enchiladas.
I’m his polar opposite- I eat veggies, fruit, whole grains, etc. He says he’s never eaten so healthy until he started living with me. He claims to hate asparagus (a personal fave) but when I shaved it into a salad the other day he gobbled it up. Weirdo!
What is with the menz!?
LOL! I’ve been reading your blog for a long time… but don’t always comment.
But this post just made me laugh… My fiance is the same way, until I moved in with him. Now he’s eating better then he has in his whole life. I find if I cook it, he’ll eat it.
He’s got that whole “No fruit” rule thing too… but I put silly lovey dovey messages on his bananas and leave them on his desk… THEN he’ll eat it but he wouldn’t pick it up off the counter in the kitchen, himself.
Before I moved in… it was nothing but can corn, peas, and carrots… CAN veggies? GROSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks! I have to admit my love for canned green beans, though. I cannot stand 99% of canned veggies (maybe corn, if necessary), but I actually prefer canned green beans to the fresh.
I know, it’s weird.