Fottening Feuds

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Last night I decided to listen to a meditation on weight loss that I downloaded to my iPhone. I have a hard time relaxing as it is, so I thought throwing in a little subliminal weight loss action couldn’t hurt.

I skipped the intro about not listening while operating a forklift or whatever, and got down to the business of relaxing. That part of the program was actually quite nice and similar to my own meditation techniques — when I remember to actually use them.  I was way into his soothing, guided affirmations when he said, “You do not want any fatty, greasy, salty, savory, crispy, fattening foods.  You choose to forego sweet, decadent, frosted, sugary, fattening foods.”

I actually started to get a little uncomfortable. First off, when you describe them like that, hell yes, I want them!  But what got me was his Scottish accent.  Every time he said “fattening foods” it came out “fottening feuds”, which kept pulling me out of my relaxation and making me squirmy. “You do not want any shugarrry, sweeet, crrrreeameh FOTTENING FEUDS.”

After a few giggles, I guess I got over it because I don’t remember anything after that for who knows how long until he said “You are now fully awake.”  That prompted me to open my eyes and I put my phone on the nightstand and immediately fell asleep.

I think I slept pretty well — I didn’t dream of Sean Connery like I thought I might.  But I woke up this morning wanting a grreeeasy, sallllty, saaavory, fottening mushroom quesadilla, so I guess it’s not working yet.

New-ish in Life, thoughts
  • 1/25/10 12:21 pixielation:

    Say the word decadent, and I immediantly want to eat it!


  • 1/25/10 16:32 Jen:

    Hahaa. This made me crack UP. My kid (who is 3.5) has been walking around talking like Sean Connery for weeks. It is hilarious. Not sure where she got it from.. And now? I am off to make a slightly less grreeeasy, non-sallllty, saaavory, fottening mushroom quesadilla. :o)


  • 1/25/10 18:32 Angela:

    omg, i just had to comment because this made me absolutely lose it! my dogs don’t know what’s wrong with me….
    anyway, it could be worse… you could have had dreams of mike myers doing his scottish impersonation/fat bastard/etc.

    fottening feuds… now i want to go download it just to hear it!


  • 1/26/10 6:11 Chari:

    Fook yeah!

    I started salivating as I read “salty, savory, crispy”. I guess maybe tacking on the greasy, fattening part would ruin it for me, though. Still — if it sounded like fottening and greeeasssy maybe it wouldn’t matter.


  • 2/5/10 23:53 Riika:

    All I could think about was Mike Meyer’s Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movies when I listened to the sample!


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