Tenth Musee

When I opened this post and titled it, I thought I wanted to write the whole sordid double-feature story of the Little Router That Couldn’t and The Pokey Little Cell Phone.  But I seriously don’t even want to get into what has been my own personal electronics hell for the last few days, so I’m just going to jump right into the highlight of my hell — Debbie Diapers, some miscreant mom in the parking lot of the Sprint store.

I dragged mikey to the Sprint store yesterday with me in a fit of “I’m Getting a New Phone Before I Throw This Against the Wall” and parked next to us was a fairly nice black town car of some sort.  Mike got out of the driver’s side and as I was about to exit the passenger side, I noticed a woman slowly making her way from the passenger seat of the town car.  She saw me waiting for her, but she took her sweet time.  I realized she had a very wee baby with her, so I took a deep breath and tried to be patient. Finally, she rolls out of the car with her baby and starts to walk away.

Using his Spidey Sense, Mike immediately ran over to the town car, bent over and looked underneath.  The look on his face said it all.  Oh yeah.  Diaper..  Used, stinky, poo-laden, stranger-person’s diaper left in the parking lot.  That has long been a “thing” with me… I hate littering of any sort, I hate it. But leaving a napkin on a table is a far cry from leaving feces under your Lincoln. We have laws against leaving your dog crap on the ground, you’d think that it would be understood that people crap is pretty much a no-go.

It was confirmed that yes, there is, indeed, a diaper under the car and I noticed that as the woman was walking away, she glanced back at us a few times. I was certain she knew we were talking about her.  Perhaps it was my, “She did WHAT!?” that tipped her off.

So, anyway, maybe it was my already foul mood, but I’d had enough.  I figured, “Who cares? I’m never going to see this woman again. What’s she going to do?  Shank me?” While she was still a good few hundred feet ahead of us, she entered the Sprint store. How convenient!  With purpose I marched right through the doors, right past the front desk helper girl (mike stopped to give her the dish) and straight up to Debbie Diapers, who was standing with her assumed husband at the counter.  In a voice loud enough for people nearby to hear, but not loud enough that I looked like a crazy person, it went a little like this:

Me: Excuse me, ma’am?

(She turned around, still bouncing the baby, with a tight-lipped “What the hell do you want?” look on her face)

Her: Yes?

Me: Were you planning on leaving that dirty diaper under your car in the parking lot?

(Looking me directly in the eye, the red splotches of embarrassment creeping their way up her cheeks)

Her:  Yup!

Me:  Wow.  Really?  So, you’re just going to leave your kid’s poop in the parking lot to rot?  To harm the environment? For someone else to pick up?

(Her lips are pinched into a Renee Zellweger-esque onion stink-face by this point and her face is pretty flushed)

Her:  Uh huh.  Yeah.

(Mind you, all of this monosyllabism is presented with a very adolescent, “What are you going to do about it?” kind of tone.)

Me: Really? You’re just going to leave it there because you were too lazy to walk it to the trash? You passed three trash cans on the way to this store… you couldn’t have just dropped it in?

(Her face is red hot at this point and I can see her eyes are glassy and her jaw clenching. Finally, she said nothing, but broke my gaze — I WIN!  The best part was that her husband just let her stand there and get her ass reamed by a stranger.  Now that’s commitment!)

Me:  That’s lovely.

Then I turned and walked away from her.

I was so just… offended! Grossed out!  Disgusted by her lack of decency, laziness and outright just… ICK factor.  In fact, Sprint should give her a discount because she redirected the anger I was winding up to pitch at Sprint.

We watched, along with our Sprint agent, to make sure she didn’t get creative with that diaper.  But, much to my delight, when we left, the diaper was gone.  I can only assume I shamed her into picking it up and while I am not the type of person to take pleasure in embarrassing someone, in this case, perhaps it will make her think twice before doing it again.

Hmph!