Of the popular terms for female genitalia, I think I like “box” the least. Box. Really…. box? Could they have come up with anything less sexy? A box is something you get from UPS, not something one puts their penis in. Usually.
Now, don’t get me wrong — I actually do enjoy the term “box” for comedy’s sake. I sometimes will refer to the gynecologist as The Box Doc and things like that. But to actually use it in seriousness? Like in the bedroom? I think it would take a special kind of person to be able to pull that off. And by “special” I mean totally lame.
Imagine it with me for a moment: you’re in bed with your lover. The candles are lit, your tunes are crooning in the background, you’re sipping wine, you’re half naked, there’s lots of making out, things are heating up. Suddenly, your man (or woman!) leans over and nuzzles your ear, “I can’t wait to feel your BOX.”
BOX. It’s like being kicked in the face by an old Jewish woman at a post office. “Sonny, do you have my BOX?! I’m missing my BOX from my dawwwghter in New Yawk. She’s a dawctor, you know. You two would be veeeerrrry handsome togethah!”
Yeah, so scratch box off the list of Approved Dirty Talk… unless you’d like to schtupp George Costanza’s mother. All the standards don’t bother me in the slightest — even the dreaded “starts with c and rhymes with shunt” (which shunt sounds a lot dirtier, doesn’t it?). Not a problem. They’ve been used in dirty talk since the dawn of time, but box? I don’t get it.
And don’t even get me started on “beaver”.
I heard it referred to as a “sniz” recently.
I prefer who-ha
@Kathy: “sniz”. omg. hahahahahaha! That might be my new favorite for casual use. lol.
Aaaaaaaaand now I’ve got “Dick in a Box” going through my head.
@Ms. Pants: it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
I’ve always been preferrential to “love taco”. Or “gitch”. Cause I’m classy like that.
You’ve seen the “My box in a box” response to “My dick in a box”, right?
Don’t even start with the stupid penis euphemisms.
Seriously.
@Deltus: “love taco”. Yeah, I can’t see that going over well in the bedroom. And yes, I have seen it.
I’ve always hated gash, slash, and snatch. The first two are violently ugly and the third just sounds like it would stink in ways that are unholy.
@Ms. Pants: I don’t like the first two. The last… feh. Whatever. Doesn’t bother me at all.
There’s a doctor in L.A. named Bonnie Beaver. And yes, she’s a Box Doc.
Bonnie Beaver, M.D.
OBSTETRICS AND GYNECOLOGY
7230 Medical Center Drive, Suite 602
West Hills, CA 91307
That’s all I’m going to say about it. Really, what else is there?
Umm, if you can be this funny talking about a box, then I definitely want to get you started on beaver! Bring it. (Please? Heh)
“Coochie” sounds like a 12 year old who first discovers his dad’s hidden collection of playboys.
Heh. Amy wants you to bring on the beaver.
Coochie reminds me of Charo. And Statia. And Statia playing the role of Charo.
I do like “sniz” though. I might have to incorporate that one into my lexicon.
Omg! Sniz is too funny!
I have always hated the term “box,” though. I don’t get it, nor do I want any part of me to be thought of as “boxy.” I’m not a Volvo for Christ’s sake.
i hate the word “pussy”. sounds like some scruffy, swollen, vagina with discharge.
discharge, that’s another word i hate. my mom calls it the ‘watchamacallit’ like it’s a friggen candy bar or something.
i like the terms:
whozits
hoo hoo
no no place
just plain ‘hoo’
snatch
or let’s just not mention it at all, shall we?
How about “naughty bits”?