Tenth Musee

I rocked the mall this afternoon.  While I still haven’t found a sarong and may have to just get one in Florida, I did manage to score some shoes, a new skirt, 2 new tops and a necklace and earrings all for under $100.  I decided to hit Payless to grab some “dress shoes” since I didn’t have anything to wear in the evenings.  I found an adorable pair of black pointy-toed slingbacks for $13.  I thought that was going to be it, but as I was walking to the register, something caught my eye…

Seven dollars. They’re so gloriously tacky, I had to have them. They may be fit for a drag show, but I feel sexy in them.  I’ll pair them with a little black spaghetti strap top with a black cocktail party skirt with black tulle underneath and a funky pink australian crystal necklace and matching pink earrings.

Oh, and note to self: if the employees of a store that claims to carry plus-size clothing are 4’8” hoochies with petite little bodies no wider than Pixie Stix, don’t go in.  Haul your ass down to the Lane Bryant, lovah, ‘cause you’d be wasting your time here.  Seriously. I’ve come across 2 stores like that now and they all claim to have plus-size clothes, but it’s more like “people of an abnormally tiny bone structure” clothes.  Their “regular” clothes are like, kids sized. And their largest plus-size is more like a 10 or a 12, which in my world, isn’t plus-size.  Insanity.  I tried on this dress that was a 5x (do they even make such a thing?) FIVE X.  Ok, I wear a 14/16 and know this for a fact.  A 5X would translate to something like a 28-30+ in the plus-size world… but when I put it on, I couldn’t even get it over my tits.

And these same stores, for some reason always look, I don’t know… like they were assembled by carnies.  It’s usually a store name I’ve never heard of and they tend to have heavy security near the fronts of the stores; heavy, obvious security.  And there is usually no rhyme or reason to the clothes.  Essentially just rounds of clothes… tiny, tiny clothes.  And shoes!  Stripper shoes, mostly.  Some hoochie, but mostly stripper.  There’s a difference.

And the dressing rooms all have marks and writing inside and it feels more like a really crappy Marshall’s or possibly TJ Maxx, but worse.  Yet, it’s there in the mall, bumpin’ uglies with The Limited and Easy Spirit.  It looks legit at a glance, until you realize that the name on the outside of the store isn’t the same as the name all over the place inside the store, they only have 2 employees and they keep looking over their shoulder like you’re going to put a cap in their ass before you rob the joint and run off with the entire clearance rack of last season’s tube tops.  Whatever, they sucked and trust me, it’s not a store for people who had a sandwich this month.

Anyway, so… yeah, I got cute shoes.