Tenth Musee

This year, as I mentioned, wasn’t a banner year for weight loss for me.  I was beating myself up about it all year long, but I had to finally step back and reevaluate the whole situation.  I was 307 freakin’ pounds 2 years ago at this time. I’m now roughly 90-95 lbs lighter (I’ve been better about being a weigh-in nazi since Ali shanghai’d my scale).  That’s a lot of weight.  The first year, I lost about 75 lbs. The 2nd year, I lost 20.  Considering that I didn’t really try for most of 2004, I consider that a triumph.

Now, sure, sure, everyone goes on a “diet” for the new year.  But, of course, I don’t diet. I am, however, going to reconnect with myself in 2005, spending more time in the gym, more time in the bath, more time being with the love of my life and my friends and less time in front of this box.  This year, for me, is more about a better quality of life and a better quality of me.  And, that includes losing the last of this weight.

For some reason, I’ve been struggling and overwhelmed with the last 50-ish pounds. I’m not sure why, but I’ve either been burned out or just … I don’t know, scared maybe? I’ve heard that’s common, for people to be afraid to finally reach their goal, as if being thin will magically solve all their problems and… gasp! What if it doesn’t?  Fortunately, I don’t think I have that mindset.  I’ve never considered my weight a hindrance to being who I am, but losing it sure has helped me be better at being who I am.

Today, when I read about Christine’s Five in ‘05 Challenge, suddenly, a weight was lifted. Hardy har, right? No, seriously. I felt unburdened about losing the last of this weight.  It seemed so… manageable.  Completely doable.  Five pounds.  I put so much pressure on myself, but hell, even I can do 5 lbs a month. I mean, I lost 20lbs this year without even really trying (i.e., not working out every day like I used to and not always counting my Points), so if I apply myself, even a little, I’m bound to lose 5 lbs a month.  Now, I do plan on applying myself a lot more than last year, as I need the gym for stress-release and when I eat right and work out, I look better and feel better.  So, if i lose more than 5 lbs a month… aces! But, a five pound loss is attainable for me and even if I just do that, I’ll be at goal by Halloween, which falls right into my dastardly plan.

Halloween 2005:  Wonder Woman, baby.