So, ladies, riddle me this: are you able to have a conversation with your significant other (of the opposite sex—I’m assuming this is a straight guy thing) without one of your body parts being groped? I’m just wondering. I mean, I love my boyfriend. I do. I love him infinity. But, the boob thing… my nipples are getting bored.
You know what I’m talking about, right? You say good morning or ask about the phone bill and next thing you know, your nipple is being fondled or your boob smooshed. I’m going to get a nipple callous over here! Pretty soon I’m going to need some sort of a nipple thimble. I polled Kathy on it this morning and she agreed… and they’ve been together for 7 years! Granted, our sex life is great (not that you were wondering), but what is UP with men and the constant nipple tweakage? Or the Bending Over to Pick Up Socks, Get “Air Humped” in the Ass thing that they do, too?
Or, my personal favorite, the oh-so-subtle ‘take your hand and put it right on the penis” hint that they do. Hello, you have a penis. Congratulations.
Oh, and if you say “Ooo! They’re sensitive!”… guys, that’s a nice way of saying, “Please stop, you’re irritating me.” But no! They think that’s a green light to keep doing it. And heaven help you if your nipple gets hard. That MUST mean that you wanna drop and do it right in the refrigerator you’re trying to clean out.
I’m a scorpio. Hell, I’m an almost-31-year-old, sexually adventurous, passionate, creative, triple scorpio (I say, like that means something), so it’s not that I’m a prude or frigid or any of that stuff. I think men are just more sophomoric about it. Relationships are just one big non-stop run of Porky’s.
It’s not that I don’t want you to fondle me. I’m sure someone might say, “At least he wants to have sex with you. He could be cheating.” It’s not about cheating. It’s not about his desire for me. I’m down with that. I’m totally not complaining about the frequency or amount of sex we have. We have a bunch. I like it. In fact, fondle me, please! But, could you wait until I’m done cleaning the toilet?
… and yes, I got clearance to post this.
